TEAM TALK

[Tuesday, April 24, 2007]

The Wiggly Noose


CBU's Togolese Pnuto ventures into the F&B business

On last Sunday, Pnuto, or more affectionately known as Lilykoon, unveiled his new food stall on Ang Mo Kio St 31,just beside the bak kut teh stall. More than thousands of fans were there at the opening of this new indigenous food stall,"Yuck-Koon Pnut Toast", though most were actually queuing for the bak kut teh. Pnuto, who is supposed to be serving his National Service, and WILL be serving for 21 years to come, assured worried fans and menacing MPs that, he would not be running the business, as he knew that it would be illegal for him to do so. He explained that 9-years good friend Albertini, who was also the one to encourage him to set up the business in the first place, will take over as manager until he ORDs in 2028.

Pnuto commented, "Albertini is such a good friend. He convinced me to use all my life savings to invest in this business, and I'm sure that he's right when he said this business would make money. He's oh-so-sincere, you HAVE to believe him. I'm certain that when I take back control of the company in 2028,it will be the best moment of my life. I'm sure looking forward to that."

When pointed out that the name of the new food stall bore resemblance to another well-known local food brand, Pnuto replied very quickly, but perhaps too quickly. "No, nope, I certainly did not copy the name of Ya-kun. I did ask them for their permission. So no I did not get the name from there." Seeming to contradict himself, Pnuto was a fine display of his own self: confused, stoned, contradicting, and being everything that he should not be. However, friends can testify to his honesty, which is best illustrated by the way he always deals with lost & found items. A watch and a mobile phone, is but only a small portion of his proud and glorious loot so far. With his own brand of honesty by asking empty air to claim ownership of those items, Pnut has shown guile in indirectly making things his whilst claiming innocence. One certainly feels inclined to worship his ability to get away with acts scot-free, and give up the worthless cause of advocating righteousness altogether.



The Convention shows signs of discourse under increasing pressure

Problems within Carebear United seemed to only get worse instead of turning for the better, much to the delight of fans and club manager. More and more frequent acts of irresponsibility by players were only one of them, with the growing injury list being another. For the latter, no one was complaining though.

But what seemed more imminent of imploding into self-destruction was the situation of the Convention, once seemingly so impenetrable and flawless, now only a shadow of its old self. Club manager Albertini, even after dyeing his graying hair a youthful brown, could not hide the signs of ageing. One could only attribute the momentary yet almost costly slip-up to mental fatigue finally overwhelming this bubbly and jiggly stalwart. On the other hand, experts have speculated that it might have been a greater force making its presence felt, though who and what it could have been, no one knows yet. Certainly it cannot have anything to do with the team's very own hypnosis master David-Leilei. No one dares to argue though.

Sparring within the Convention used to serve the purpose of strengthening the Convention itself, exploiting its own loopholes in a bid to self-destruct, and then save itself from the brink of extermination. With time however, even the greatest buildings will fall, and it was only a matter of time before the Convention started to show signs of leaking (goals).More and more people have stood up to challenge the Convention, with David-Leilei and the 5 junchengs up-to-date(and still counting) leading the front. As such, Freudian slips were rampant within the Convention, with experts worrying that the ingenious ultimate defense of "Me is You", would finally reach the end of the road.

The most worrying moment would have been the night that club no.1 goalkeeper Wooke made a rare guest appearance at one of the Bears' games, wearing a very familiar singlet, a singlet worn week-in week-out by only one player. As if the singlet itself wasn't enough, the size and the hairstyle of Wooke only served to remind us hat, here may be a twin for everyone in this world. What followed was a series of heart=stopping moments, with
every moment looking increasingly like the end of the Convention. Wooke rubbed salt into the wound (a very much appreciated gesture by the victims) and threatened to spread his virus of self-destruction into the Convention. For a couple of players, this seemed delightfully like a nightmare that wouldn't end.

Alas, the Convention was destined not to fall. Even after waves and waves of attack, albeit brought upon by the members themselves, corroded and ate away at the Convention, there were no casualties at the end of the day. The tribulation only highlighted the Convention's immense ability to adapt in the harshest environments, not unlike the species of bacteria and mould that are capable of thriving in conditions deemed impossible for humane survival. The integrity of the Convention is there for all to see, a strong and determined display of character, even when the members are lying through their teeth to say, "I'm so not Korean!!"



Albertini heads efforts to reunite the Plant and ? families

In an act of typical generosity, Albertini has dedicated himself to reuniting the Plant and the Mould/Fungi/Bacteria families that are reminiscent of players close to Albertini's heart. Long seen as an outcast to the Plant families, only Wooke could truly explain the pains of the mould family. And by sharing this understanding, Albertini has resolved to help Wooke, or rather, the mould family.

In a campaign to increase awareness that microorganisms such as mould and bacteria are actually from the same family as normal plants, Albertini has taken it upon himself to push for investigations to be conducted in this area. Albertini believes that this is a move that will not only further widen JS's already burgeoning circle of friends, but also promote greater understanding between JS and Wooke (thereby protecting himself from being linked to W. )CBU's striking goalkeeper Yee Hung Pyo (a Korean name?),was the first to stand up for Albertini's move. "I'm not Korean!" he blurted without prompting, "but I must say Albertini is a genius to bring back together the 2 long-separated families. I know exactly what he's trying to do. He's so like me, he shares my dreams and.." But when pointed out that Albertini may be doing this because of his immense understanding with Wooke, Yee promptly changed stands. "Oh Albertini may be like me, but he's definitely not me. I mean, he's so identical to Wooke such that they understand each other so well, I can not possibly hope to be linked with him. Maybe he's a Korean too?" At this point of time, a voice could be heard in the background shouting "Me is you!". Yee gave a sincere laughter, and proceeded to declare that he was joking just now, explaining, "I think Wooke is too unique to have any twins or identical persona in others. He is a kind of his own, and God forbid anyone to liken someone to him at all, maybe except his real Korean counterpart, Rain."

Mr. Popular himself was finally reached for comments after attempts for a week to contact him were to no avail. "You didn't make an appointment, that's why. I have a lot of friends to deal with, you know, "Park explained. When asked about his club manager's caring efforts to widen his circle of friends, Park replied, "Is that necessary? I appreciate his gesture, but what he's doing may be too insignificant to be of any effect to me." Already making headlines for his recent appointment as spokesperson of the Pigeon Big Ego Fund, Park does not make any attempt to steer clear from controversy when he explained why he loved to wear berms during soccer and instead only pe shorts when going home. "I do have longer pants. But what for? Do you think my thighs are not diplomatic enough? Do you think my thighs can't win a beauty pageant?" Sensing a game of pinball about to come, the reporter beat a hasty retreat, vowing never to question Park's trunks(not swimming trunks, but real tree trunks) ever again.

To date, scientists and mathematicians have not yet been able to calculate the total number of Park's friends. With people living as far as 10,000km away from Park and yet registering on "WholivesnearJiesong?" shamelessly, and what's more with the recent addition of mould and fungi etc into Park's plant kingdom, no one is sure whether they will ever succeed. One thing for sure is that, those of you who are reading this now, is probably already a friend of Jiesong’s.

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