***CAREBEAR UNITED***

CAREBEAR UNITED

We are a team of titans. True to our motto, we seek and destroy. Be it your defence, your attacks, or even your careers. With a death star angel watching over us, we are unbeatable. Our patented style, 'The Movement (TM)', allows us to put the ball in your net with or without your permission. Sometimes we even put it in ours. The point is, when you step on the pitch, be prepared for innocence lost and wounds that will never heal. By the time we are done dishing out our touching tackles and sentimental shots, you will wish you were in Patpong instead. Don't expect pity, only sincere laughter will greet your screams. And don't bother asking for a death row pardon either, it is already two minutes too late.

So the question you need to ask yourself now is...

DO YOU DARE...TO CARE?

For help with wordplay posts, please click

Welcome to the Homeground of the
CARE BEARS

Do you DARE to CARE?

TEAM TALK

[Tuesday, April 24, 2007]

2 Of This Year Highly Anticipated Movies

Proudly Brought To You by Carebear Productions

-=albertini=- |11:52 PM|

The Wiggly Noose

CBU's Togolese Pnuto ventures into the F&B business

On last Sunday, Pnuto, or more affectionately known as Lilykoon, unveiled his new food stall on Ang Mo Kio St 31,just beside the bak kut teh stall. More than thousands of fans were there at the opening of this new indigenous food stall,"Yuck-Koon Pnut Toast", though most were actually queuing for the bak kut teh. Pnuto, who is supposed to be serving his National Service, and WILL be serving for 21 years to come, assured worried fans and menacing MPs that, he would not be running the business, as he knew that it would be illegal for him to do so. He explained that 9-years good friend Albertini, who was also the one to encourage him to set up the business in the first place, will take over as manager until he ORDs in 2028.

Pnuto commented, "Albertini is such a good friend. He convinced me to use all my life savings to invest in this business, and I'm sure that he's right when he said this business would make money. He's oh-so-sincere, you HAVE to believe him. I'm certain that when I take back control of the company in 2028,it will be the best moment of my life. I'm sure looking forward to that."

When pointed out that the name of the new food stall bore resemblance to another well-known local food brand, Pnuto replied very quickly, but perhaps too quickly. "No, nope, I certainly did not copy the name of Ya-kun. I did ask them for their permission. So no I did not get the name from there." Seeming to contradict himself, Pnuto was a fine display of his own self: confused, stoned, contradicting, and being everything that he should not be. However, friends can testify to his honesty, which is best illustrated by the way he always deals with lost & found items. A watch and a mobile phone, is but only a small portion of his proud and glorious loot so far. With his own brand of honesty by asking empty air to claim ownership of those items, Pnut has shown guile in indirectly making things his whilst claiming innocence. One certainly feels inclined to worship his ability to get away with acts scot-free, and give up the worthless cause of advocating righteousness altogether.

The Convention shows signs of discourse under increasing pressure

Problems within Carebear United seemed to only get worse instead of turning for the better, much to the delight of fans and club manager. More and more frequent acts of irresponsibility by players were only one of them, with the growing injury list being another. For the latter, no one was complaining though.

But what seemed more imminent of imploding into self-destruction was the situation of the Convention, once seemingly so impenetrable and flawless, now only a shadow of its old self. Club manager Albertini, even after dyeing his graying hair a youthful brown, could not hide the signs of ageing. One could only attribute the momentary yet almost costly slip-up to mental fatigue finally overwhelming this bubbly and jiggly stalwart. On the other hand, experts have speculated that it might have been a greater force making its presence felt, though who and what it could have been, no one knows yet. Certainly it cannot have anything to do with the team's very own hypnosis master David-Leilei. No one dares to argue though.

Sparring within the Convention used to serve the purpose of strengthening the Convention itself, exploiting its own loopholes in a bid to self-destruct, and then save itself from the brink of extermination. With time however, even the greatest buildings will fall, and it was only a matter of time before the Convention started to show signs of leaking (goals).More and more people have stood up to challenge the Convention, with David-Leilei and the 5 junchengs up-to-date(and still counting) leading the front. As such, Freudian slips were rampant within the Convention, with experts worrying that the ingenious ultimate defense of "Me is You", would finally reach the end of the road.

The most worrying moment would have been the night that club no.1 goalkeeper Wooke made a rare guest appearance at one of the Bears' games, wearing a very familiar singlet, a singlet worn week-in week-out by only one player. As if the singlet itself wasn't enough, the size and the hairstyle of Wooke only served to remind us hat, here may be a twin for everyone in this world. What followed was a series of heart=stopping moments, with
every moment looking increasingly like the end of the Convention. Wooke rubbed salt into the wound (a very much appreciated gesture by the victims) and threatened to spread his virus of self-destruction into the Convention. For a couple of players, this seemed delightfully like a nightmare that wouldn't end.

Alas, the Convention was destined not to fall. Even after waves and waves of attack, albeit brought upon by the members themselves, corroded and ate away at the Convention, there were no casualties at the end of the day. The tribulation only highlighted the Convention's immense ability to adapt in the harshest environments, not unlike the species of bacteria and mould that are capable of thriving in conditions deemed impossible for humane survival. The integrity of the Convention is there for all to see, a strong and determined display of character, even when the members are lying through their teeth to say, "I'm so not Korean!!"

Albertini heads efforts to reunite the Plant and ? families

In an act of typical generosity, Albertini has dedicated himself to reuniting the Plant and the Mould/Fungi/Bacteria families that are reminiscent of players close to Albertini's heart. Long seen as an outcast to the Plant families, only Wooke could truly explain the pains of the mould family. And by sharing this understanding, Albertini has resolved to help Wooke, or rather, the mould family.

In a campaign to increase awareness that microorganisms such as mould and bacteria are actually from the same family as normal plants, Albertini has taken it upon himself to push for investigations to be conducted in this area. Albertini believes that this is a move that will not only further widen JS's already burgeoning circle of friends, but also promote greater understanding between JS and Wooke (thereby protecting himself from being linked to W. )CBU's striking goalkeeper Yee Hung Pyo (a Korean name?),was the first to stand up for Albertini's move. "I'm not Korean!" he blurted without prompting, "but I must say Albertini is a genius to bring back together the 2 long-separated families. I know exactly what he's trying to do. He's so like me, he shares my dreams and.." But when pointed out that Albertini may be doing this because of his immense understanding with Wooke, Yee promptly changed stands. "Oh Albertini may be like me, but he's definitely not me. I mean, he's so identical to Wooke such that they understand each other so well, I can not possibly hope to be linked with him. Maybe he's a Korean too?" At this point of time, a voice could be heard in the background shouting "Me is you!". Yee gave a sincere laughter, and proceeded to declare that he was joking just now, explaining, "I think Wooke is too unique to have any twins or identical persona in others. He is a kind of his own, and God forbid anyone to liken someone to him at all, maybe except his real Korean counterpart, Rain."

Mr. Popular himself was finally reached for comments after attempts for a week to contact him were to no avail. "You didn't make an appointment, that's why. I have a lot of friends to deal with, you know, "Park explained. When asked about his club manager's caring efforts to widen his circle of friends, Park replied, "Is that necessary? I appreciate his gesture, but what he's doing may be too insignificant to be of any effect to me." Already making headlines for his recent appointment as spokesperson of the Pigeon Big Ego Fund, Park does not make any attempt to steer clear from controversy when he explained why he loved to wear berms during soccer and instead only pe shorts when going home. "I do have longer pants. But what for? Do you think my thighs are not diplomatic enough? Do you think my thighs can't win a beauty pageant?" Sensing a game of pinball about to come, the reporter beat a hasty retreat, vowing never to question Park's trunks(not swimming trunks, but real tree trunks) ever again.

To date, scientists and mathematicians have not yet been able to calculate the total number of Park's friends. With people living as far as 10,000km away from Park and yet registering on "WholivesnearJiesong?" shamelessly, and what's more with the recent addition of mould and fungi etc into Park's plant kingdom, no one is sure whether they will ever succeed. One thing for sure is that, those of you who are reading this now, is probably already a friend of Jiesong’s.

-=taZzk=- |4:48 PM|

[Friday, April 20, 2007]

Testing 1,2,3....

Disclaimer:Warning!This is not a post!This is just a test!Watch out for my entry when I go back to my office on Monday.See that packet of tissue paper?I've "choped" this space.

-=taZzk=- |10:19 PM|

[Sunday, April 15, 2007]

Care Bear Fans can now look forward to colliding with the Tree…

How much times has changed since Shakespeare in one of his plays coined this phrase “The world is mine’s oyster”.

We now have Park Jie Song, the newly pronounced Big Ego Fund Ambassador or better known as Big Ego Friend who proclaims with a smurfy smirk in his recent press conference, that the world as we know it is now his Friendster account.

What would you do if you have the entire world as your friendster network?

Would you rest on your laurels and be complacent? For one, you will never run out of friends … till everyone, I mean everyone has gone on to the next world and no one is left in this world who can (regardless of want)… kick a ball or befriend…meaning they Pang-seh you first

Laugh at the idiots who believe in MLM and fail to see how the world is inter-connected through one person and not through pyramid human networks? Because if this person Pang-seh…

Drink Carlsberg and cheer to the slogan “World of Friends” because you have more friends than anyone else … to Pang-seh?

Or would you self-destruct and become the very thing that you were once the antithesis of? Give in to your dark side and become Mr Fiendster? Pang-Seh every class outing and every other outing you were invited to? Till the people you once knew would stare you in the face and exclaim “Argh!! Ghost!! Why you come?” Till you have no one else you can call friends and ultimately to Pang-Seh?

Well, certainly not Park Jie Song. His latest venture, after becoming the ambassador of the Big Ego Fund, is the release of his very first hit single titled “Collide”. The song is penned by an anonymous character that refuses to be identified in any other way except as “Park’s friend”. This is of course, a totally meaningless statement when you’re talking about someone who believes in a world without strangers and has made a world of friends but acclaimed journalist Yee Hung’s interview techniques proved critical in prying out the truth from this enigmatic figure. Following is a transcript of the phone conversation between Yee Hung and Mr Anonymous.

Yee: So what inspired you to write this song?

Mr. A: After a match with him.

Yee: What exactly happened?

Mr. A: I don’t want to say too much. It’s already in the lyrics.

Yee: And you don’t want to divulge your identity as well?

Mr. A: Yes.

Yee: (working on a hunch) Hmm… Hey, I’m going to ask you a question that is off the record… You like red meat?

Mr. A: WTF? Now you interested in what I eat?

Yee: Hey, just asking

Mr. A: (pause) What the heck…Oh well, yes, I do like red meat.

Yee: (ticks off all names except one on his checklist and smiles) Oh really?

Mr. A: Yup, except pork. No pork for me.

Yee: (puzzled) No pork? You trying to lose weight?

Mr. A: Lose weight? I’m as thin as a stick. No pork! How many times must I say this? No pork! No lard! No PORK!

Yee: (hesitant to tick off the remaining name) Oh, really. That’s like saying you didn’t leave red meat under your desk for two weeks, didn’t stick a stick through your hand, didn’t pang-seh every soccer outing there is, didn’t…

Mr. A: WTF! You want me to kick you like a green dustbin?

Yee: Oh!! (in recollection of an earlier match for which he had written a match report)

Mr A.: Oh shit! (slams the phone)

Thanks to this Freudian slip, the possibilities are greatly reduced from Planet Earth to an oyster, if I may say, figuratively speaking of course. A review of the lyrics corroborates strongly with the existing evidence present in the fore-mentioned interview.

To say that this song is anything similar to the song of the same name by Howie Day on being in a relationship (the irony when relating this to Mr Friendster) and its difficulties (hah, you must be joking) is akin to comparing two unequivocal opposites where the contrast is as clear as black and white, night and day and in Care Bear terms, Wookie and Tak Whee, Tak Whee and Albert and if that is still not clear enough, Yee Hung and Tak Whee.

More to the point, “Collide” is about how friendship with Park always begins and the beauty of this new beginning. What is so amazing about this song is that it conveys all the characteristics of how Park forges a friendship and converts a stranger/opponent to a node on his friendster network – an intrinsic love of pain, care for your fellow opponent by administering the pain he gets and sharing of pain especially if Park/he thinks is not enough – through the spreading of roots and movement of trunks to fill all spaces and void till one cannot help but eventually come into physical contact. Told through the first person perspective of a friend-to-be, there can be no better song that relates the story of Friendship as it is.

Park Jie Song - Collide

The sun is setting

I try to break through

I'm barely dribbling

And I'm tangled up in you

Yeah

I run open, you've enclosed

Where I follow, you'll go

I worry you won't see my face

Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes

Even these wrong words seem to rhyme

Even though I dive in time

I somehow find

You and I collide

You're quiet you know

Legs make a first impression

I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes

Even the stars refuse to shine

With these roots that entwine and twine

The stars didn't blind

You and I collide

Please stop here

I lost my ball/balls

And you're close behind

Even the best fall down sometimes

Even these wrong words seem to rhyme

Out of the woods, I thought I find

I thought I’ve find…

You and I collide

I walk away

Green dustbin

Collide

You walk away

You and I collide

*background music*

woo hoo woo hoo

boo hoo hoo hoo

*fades away

International Friendship Day now has a new theme song and to this, we have Mr. Anti-Green-Dustbin to thank for. This is bound to be a record-smashing record (but with a fan base as huge as Park’s, one cannot expect anything less).

But that is not all. We await eagerly Park’s next project – a movie called “A Walk In The Park” which will chronicle – yes, you guessed it – Park Jie Song’s meteoric rise to fame from a basketball-to-street-soccer-convert with humble beginnings (yes, even He has to start somewhere) in an unknown corner of AMK to the very man-tree-friend that he is today. No doubt his career development might be likened to taking a walk in the park, but he certainly has his closest friends to thank for and the movie will feature Care Bear United and their influence on his big calves-bigger ego winning approach to soccer and life in general.

Can’t wait? Me too, but for now, we will have to make do with the Care Bear blog for the latest news about the world’s favourite friend.

and rotting with Wookie…

In case you’ve been wondering what has been keeping No. 1 Goalkeeper Wookie away from soccer action for so long, that is only because he has been busy keeping something “under his desk”.

Rain aka Wu Kefei, also known as Coffee but better known as Wookie has been working hard on the production of his first album, entitled “Rot With You”. No surprises there for the choice of album name, but the name of the production company is quite a revelation. Originally known as Carebearunited Productions, the company has changed its name to “Rainforest Productions” in order “to reflect a change in marketing focus” as explained by CEO Albertini. “We haven’t told Park about this yet, though” he adds with a twinkle in his eye and a hint of a wink.

The lead single, from which the album gets its name from, is a smooth, sleek and sexy song which, in the exact words Rain wrote in his blog for fans, is “som3thing you can rock and rot to”. How exactly one is supposed to do that, I suppose only his hardcore gothic fans will know and appreciate. And no, it is not a typo you’re looking at – it’s written in the exact manner he spelt the words.

Critics who have listened to a preview of the song have compared it to Michael Jackson’s song of the same tune and similar lyrics – “Rock With You”. In fact, the only difference seems to be that the word “rock” in MJ’s cover is replaced by “rot” in Rain’s version. As a critic by the moniker “alb3rtini” wrote on his music blog, “Wow. D3finit3ly original. This is just so ...him. Only on3 who can 3at 12 3ggs a day and sp3lls ‘e’ as ‘3’, can com3 up with som3thing lik3 that and call it his own.”

As an afterthought, he adds “I c3rtainly hop3 h3 continu3s to rot in Changi. I don’t know why he chos3 to liv3 b3sid3 a prison but if that is what inspir3s him to produc3 gr3at rotting music lik3 this, then *jiggl3s* woo hoo! Rot on!”

In a press conference held to publicise his up-and-coming album, Rain apologises in a not-so-apologetic tone “Sorry for keeping you guys in the dark about this. But better late than never.” When asked by a reporter why he “never turn up for the recent CB soccer matches”, Rain replies “My priorities are different now. I just moved house to Changi and I don’t even have enough time for my PS3. I’m not cutting this album for the money. I’m doing this to promote CB United and the game of soccer as well. If you think I’m doing a David-Beckham, please don’t insult me. David Beckham is weak! Weeaaakk!” He smashes one fist against the table and makes a chopping-through-air motion with his other arm to prove his point.

Faced with such an in-your-face display of gothic might, no one would blame the reporters present for nodding their heads meekly in consent and keeping whatever disagreements they might harbour, to themselves. One reporter broke the silence eventually, “What about your commitment to CB United? Their recent match performances have been let down by horrid goal-keeping. When are you never going back? Late? Or Never? ”. In response, Rain mustered as much gusto as he could and uttered “Weaklings”. As the reporters pondered over the relevance of his response to the question itself, he stormed off hurriedly from the conference room. The few who had the presence of mind to give chase did so, but even the swiftest and foremost amongst them, Yee Hung could only catch a glimpse of Rain leaving the building into the torrential downpour outside and was gone, with the rain.

We’ll probably never know if Rain’s last utterance was meant as a positive note of encouragement to spur the Care Bears on or as a decry mocking the state of affairs at CB United. (I personally wonder who the real weakling is) We do not know what this portends for the future of goal-keeping at Care Bear United but we can only hope that Wookie would end this indefinite absence soon and return to the scene in time before gaffer Albertini decides to replace him and keep him permanently “under the desk”.

In the meantime, fans of Rain can expect his first album “Rot With You” to debut on 33^rd Dec this year.

Wait. Did I see 33-12-2007 in Rain’s entry on his album release date?

Talk about late or never. Please check this blog for an update as soon as we ascertain the real release date of Rain’s album.

--=tr33=--

-=it's a . !!!=- |9:53 PM|

THE TEAM

WOOKIE - GK
The Barthez of the team, Wookie is the undisputed No.1 for Carebear Utd. Although not blessed with any of the relevant attributes of quick reflexes or ball handling, he compensates for it with his Korean Idol looks and Gothic bracelet/choker. His unique ability to self-destruct has irked many fans, but his sterling performances when he is on form quickly pacifies them. Many predict his position will be coming under threat in future from an up-and-coming keeper, Understudy, who was scouted from the AMK Academy. However till then, Wookie will continue to deputise between the sticks. Speaking of sticks, please do not injure your arm by piercing it with one.

JIESONG - DC
As Keeper of the Grove, Jie Song commands twin tree trunks which are indispensable for blocking shots, bulldozing past defenders etc. His quick acceleration from his triple jump days coupled with his raw strength makes him feared and respected on the field. His unique ability, the Force of Nature, consistently gets Carebear Utd out of trouble. If you thought Mother Nature was powerful, try taking on the Big Daddy...

DAVID - DC
A born sweeper, David possesses legs that can really sweep. His windscreen wiper technique of flailing his legs side to side creates an air vacuum, forming an impregnable fortress around him and driving opponents crazy trying to beat him. A fan favorite with his kinky accessories like flower hats, he can often be seen emitting wierd noises like 'nai nai' and 'lai lai' that confuse his opponents. When combined with Jie Song, the 2 form an unbeatable defence. His passion for soccer is only matched by his love for Zoids.

JUNCHENG - DC
Many an opposing striker has smelt a goal and gone in for the shot, only to find themselves staring at 6 solid rock hard abs. A rock in defence, Jun Cheng possesses lightning pace and acceleration and gives Carebear Utd additional attacking options with his incisive runs and decisive finishing. A fireman by occupation, but moonlights at night washing clothes with his natural washing board.

ALBERT - DMC
Knees. Shins. Ankles. Ligaments. You name it, he's zhammed it. The veritable defensive stalwart of the team, Albert destroys opponents' attacks as easily as he destroys their careers. Armed with a low CG, tough body frame and a kendo sword, he sends out an unspoken warning to all opposing attackers who value their lives. Although already a monster physically, Albert's mind games and schemes makes him an absolute mental behemoth. Has never been carded in his entire career, instead causing the referee to get sent off on countless occasions. Arms flailing and kendo sword swinging, Albert is simply every opponent's nightmare. The official armskote IC of the team.

KENNETH - MC
A late inclusion into the Carebear ranks, Kenneth has quickly made himself at home. His occasional flashes of brilliance have proved to be match winners, and his solid work rate and positive attitude has seen Carebear fans receive him warmly. A cousin of fellow Carebear David, he aims to emulate his older cousin's successes, though not the wierd calls and flower hats.

TAKWEE - AML
If his shiny earrings don't dazzle you, Tak Wee's amazing ball skills will. As David constantly testifies, Tak Wee is unanimously the star of the team, the vital link between defence and attack. His massive will to win is evident for all to see - he would rather lose his hair than lose the game. Although he is flawless on the pitch, it is not so off it. Tak Wee is ambroiled in many scandals in his personal life, his infamous XXX video with Annie and videos from the hidden cam installed in his toilet being just the tip of the scandalous iceberg.

LIKOON - AMR
Affectionately known as 'Peanut' by his team-mates, Likoon has put his career at AMK under threat by refusing to sign the contract offered by Carebear Utd, instead signing for the SAF on a 6 year deal. His ability to hold the ball and shoot from distance are his main attributes. Has proved on several occasions that he is able to change the course of the game with a single pass....to the opposing striker.

ER JIE - AMC
Angki Er Jie is his name, and attacking is his game. A veritable goalscorer, he is capable of nifty footwork and splitting passes as well. Rumour has it that he was christened 'Orbit' in his early playing days as a reference to his off-target shots, but he has been quick to deny it. His finishing has since improved by leaps and bounds. If he continues at this rate, he will surely be on his way to be the new Carebear no. 1 Keeper. All the best, Angki!

KAI YI - PLAYMAKER
The brains of the team, Kai Yi is acknowledged as the original creator of 'The Movement', which has enabled Carebear Utd to dominate courts and thrash opponents without even unleashing a single adjustable spanner. Constantly researching on new tactics and plays as well as watching soccer videos for hours on end, Kai Yi has accumulated a wealth of knowledge in that footballing brain of his, threatening to snatch the tag of 'The Professor' from Wenger himself. On the pitch, Kai Yi uses his footballing brain to great effect, creating chances out of seemingly nothing and occassionally scoring some vital goals on his own. His intellect is matched only by Albert, who always succeeds in counter-scheming Kai Yi's counter-scheme on Albert's counter-scheme on Kaiyi's counter-scheme on Albert's scheme.

YEE HUNG - FC
One of the finishers of the team, Yee Hung has not only honed his volleying/shooting skills with Carebear Utd, but also his goalkeeping skills, thanks to the 'Scorer-Keeper' rule implemented by the team. Occasionally grumbles about lack of playing time thanks to him scoring a goal in 5 minutes before keeping the goal for 20 minutes, but is generally happy to stay with the team. His loyalty is being put under question currently with his frequent calls to 'disband', but is being persuaded to 'flail' by Albert and Co.

QUAN NING - FC
Temperamental striker, known to not show up for several matches consecutively. However when he does make an appearance he is bound to dazzle the courts with his ball skills and sublime finishing, not to mention his deadly aerial ability. Able to head a ball harder and more accurately than most mortals can kick it, Quan Ning is a devastating attacking presence to deal with. When he's present, of course.

ROONEY - SC
3 words - Hardcore Anyhow Zham. Scores goals by the dozen but misses chances by the million. Still, many would agree a score of 12-0 isn't too bad. His relentless running and accelerating has seen him clock Kenyan-killing mileage, and with his psychotic look complete with crew cut and tucked in orange shirt, Rooney is definitely the nightmare of his opponents, and even his own teammates!