***CAREBEAR UNITED***

CAREBEAR UNITED

We are a team of titans. True to our motto, we seek and destroy. Be it your defence, your attacks, or even your careers. With a death star angel watching over us, we are unbeatable. Our patented style, 'The Movement (TM)', allows us to put the ball in your net with or without your permission. Sometimes we even put it in ours. The point is, when you step on the pitch, be prepared for innocence lost and wounds that will never heal. By the time we are done dishing out our touching tackles and sentimental shots, you will wish you were in Patpong instead. Don't expect pity, only sincere laughter will greet your screams. And don't bother asking for a death row pardon either, it is already two minutes too late.

So the question you need to ask yourself now is...

DO YOU DARE...TO CARE?

For help with wordplay posts, please click

Welcome to the Homeground of the
CARE BEARS

Do you DARE to CARE?

TEAM TALK

[Thursday, March 29, 2007]

Another Lame Post From Your Resident Lamer

Well, due to the recent lack of activity in our blog, let me try to heat things up a little with some quotes on pain that I found on the internet.

Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.

-Lance Armstrong

Pain is life--the sharper, the more evidence of life.

-Charles Lamb

Remember that pain has this most excellent quality. If prolonged it cannot be severe, and if severe it cannot be prolonged.

-Lucius Annaeus Seneca

The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you.

Anthony Robbins

Pain is weakness leaving the body.

-Daniel R. Evans

Here is what some CBU members have to say about pain.

Pain is bad, unless of course if it is self inflicted.

- No.1 Keeper of CBU, Kefei

Huh? Come again, I didnt hear you the first time. Oh pain, you say, well it is just part and parcel of life. I wont be losing hair over it. I will probably be too late to feel it anyway.

-Tak

You mean you DONT like pain? Wwweeeeaaaaakkkkkkk!!!!

-Yee

Sometimes giving is more pleasurable than receiving. 3 cheers to friendship!

-Your resident Mr Popular, Jiesong

Painball? Anyone?
-------

Erm, forget it. Just PAIN.
Hey Yee, don’t jump queue

-Albert

Pain is really nothing, if you divide it with 5 people

-JC

Pain is really nothing, if you divide it with the whole population

-Your resident Mr Familiar, CJ

When I snap my fingers, you will wake up and feel damn painful. And you will enjoy it more than you used to

-Your resident hypnotist, David (currently pursuing a course in pain management (this is actually true btw))

FUCK YOU

-Quan

DO YOU DARE TO CARE

From all of us at Carebear United

-=albertini=- |11:03 PM|

[Sunday, March 04, 2007]

POLITICS

Convention won't last, say analysts
It seems that the He-who-must-not-be-named convention, which is set to prevent an all-out nuclear war, will not be effective for long. According to political analysts, cracks have already appeared in the peaceful facade of the bipartite convention, albeit a facade of their tearing selves.

Based on the concept of MUD (Mutually Assured Destruction) and MUP (Mutually Assured Protection), the convention has been effective so far as it allows each member to drag down the others together with him when he is attacked.

However, despite the "Me is You" philosophy, both parties are, rather ironically, displaying self-destructing tendencies by launching subtle yet piercing attacks on each other. Deliberate references to idols and eggs are only some examples of the stinging attacks launched between the two, and it is only a matter of time before the situation escalates into mi mancherai marisa.

The two members have since held crisis talks which swiftly degenerated into an exchange of attacks.

WORLD

World Cup 2018 to be held in Ang Mo Kio
England's hopes of hosting the World Cup in 2018 have been deflated after FIFA ruled for it to be held in Ang Mo Kio instead.

Said FIFA president Sad Bladder: "The panel has come to the conclusion that the AMK street court is the best place to host the World Cup in 2018. The winning factor is its location: 1.5l bottles of lemon lime 100-plus can be bought from mama shops only one block away, a plus for all players who keep drinking even when they are keeper."

Plans have already been put into place to prepare the court for the world's most popular tearjerker at the humble St 31 street court. The government has injected $500million into renovation works, with the gate to be fixed and the much-abused green dustbin to be replaced.

The most major overhaul, however, will be the pitch itself: the court surface will be replaced with a revolutionary technology. Sliding tackles will be up to 10x faster and diving and rolling on the ground will reach 3x more distance and earn 5x harsher punishment from the referee. An armskote will also be installed to facilitate quicker drawing and sending of arms. No prizes for guessing who the resident armskote i/c is.

It was also announced that caretaker manager Tak Wee will be put in charge of the World Cup 2018 preparations. Bookmakers worldwide have begun allowing bets on the REAL timing of the World Cup 2018, with the current hot favourite being 2058.

HOME

David the new face of the Dove Self-Esteem Fund
Elbow-enhanced Carebear midfielder David has recently inked a multi-million dollar deal with pharmaceutical company Dove to be the new face of the Dove Self-Esteem Fund. David will now be featured in the advertisement, with his segment saying: 'He thinks he's fat.' This was inspired after David made the startling revelation while strolling at the AMK Hub.

In a similar arrangement, Park Jie Song has also joined the Dove Big Ego Fund as an ambassador. Fans couldn't believe their ears (deaf or otherwise) when Park uttered his Freudian slip: "Defending is so easy. After the opponents go past Tak Wee and past Jun Cheng, I'll be waiting for them." Simply a declaration of confidence that brought shivers to the weak knees of opponents everywhere.

SPORTS

Bears give good showing at AMK homeground against NY team
The Bears made a firm statement on their stand on white-collar crime by beating evil Qingzhao and Co. at home on Sunday.

Tak Wee was the indisputed MVP of the match, spraying wicked passes and creating assists out of nothing. His para-para dances on the court bamboozled the opponents to no end, although he insists that he is "damn unfit". He has subsequently been enrolled into David's Dove Self-Esteem Fund.

Jun Cheng and Jie Song also formed a formidable defensive partnership. However Jun Cheng was saddled with two weaknesses for this match, the first one being the first hole on his shoe and the second being the second hole on his shoe. This prevented him from getting in good blocks as it will put his right big toe under grave danger.

Yee Hung Pyo made the most of the heavy futsal ball by deftly controlling a long throw from the keeper on his chest and volleying in to the far right, along with a couple more goals thanks to Tak's assists. Li Koon also marauded along the right flank and made some telling runs, although he will be most remembered for the number of perfect assists he gave to the opposing striker when he was keeper.

The Bears ended on a high by beating both NY team and AJC team 2-0 before leaving the court and their wounded adversaries behind. Stay tuned next week as Jun Cheng, Jie Song and Yee Hung parade their newly-acquired soccer boots and put them straight into action.

MONEY

China businessmen take over Carebear United with instant impact
可爱熊队已被中国商人夺取。他们花了将近一百万人民币来换取熊队。住在那儿的老板阿勒伯体尼说道：“这是一个明智的选择，因为我队当中已有不少中国人在内。特别是。。”
在这关键的时刻，宇航批由呐喊：“我是你!"
阿勒伯体尼说道: "No comments."

-=H.=- |1:48 AM|

THE TEAM

WOOKIE - GK
The Barthez of the team, Wookie is the undisputed No.1 for Carebear Utd. Although not blessed with any of the relevant attributes of quick reflexes or ball handling, he compensates for it with his Korean Idol looks and Gothic bracelet/choker. His unique ability to self-destruct has irked many fans, but his sterling performances when he is on form quickly pacifies them. Many predict his position will be coming under threat in future from an up-and-coming keeper, Understudy, who was scouted from the AMK Academy. However till then, Wookie will continue to deputise between the sticks. Speaking of sticks, please do not injure your arm by piercing it with one.

JIESONG - DC
As Keeper of the Grove, Jie Song commands twin tree trunks which are indispensable for blocking shots, bulldozing past defenders etc. His quick acceleration from his triple jump days coupled with his raw strength makes him feared and respected on the field. His unique ability, the Force of Nature, consistently gets Carebear Utd out of trouble. If you thought Mother Nature was powerful, try taking on the Big Daddy...

DAVID - DC
A born sweeper, David possesses legs that can really sweep. His windscreen wiper technique of flailing his legs side to side creates an air vacuum, forming an impregnable fortress around him and driving opponents crazy trying to beat him. A fan favorite with his kinky accessories like flower hats, he can often be seen emitting wierd noises like 'nai nai' and 'lai lai' that confuse his opponents. When combined with Jie Song, the 2 form an unbeatable defence. His passion for soccer is only matched by his love for Zoids.

JUNCHENG - DC
Many an opposing striker has smelt a goal and gone in for the shot, only to find themselves staring at 6 solid rock hard abs. A rock in defence, Jun Cheng possesses lightning pace and acceleration and gives Carebear Utd additional attacking options with his incisive runs and decisive finishing. A fireman by occupation, but moonlights at night washing clothes with his natural washing board.

ALBERT - DMC
Knees. Shins. Ankles. Ligaments. You name it, he's zhammed it. The veritable defensive stalwart of the team, Albert destroys opponents' attacks as easily as he destroys their careers. Armed with a low CG, tough body frame and a kendo sword, he sends out an unspoken warning to all opposing attackers who value their lives. Although already a monster physically, Albert's mind games and schemes makes him an absolute mental behemoth. Has never been carded in his entire career, instead causing the referee to get sent off on countless occasions. Arms flailing and kendo sword swinging, Albert is simply every opponent's nightmare. The official armskote IC of the team.

KENNETH - MC
A late inclusion into the Carebear ranks, Kenneth has quickly made himself at home. His occasional flashes of brilliance have proved to be match winners, and his solid work rate and positive attitude has seen Carebear fans receive him warmly. A cousin of fellow Carebear David, he aims to emulate his older cousin's successes, though not the wierd calls and flower hats.

TAKWEE - AML
If his shiny earrings don't dazzle you, Tak Wee's amazing ball skills will. As David constantly testifies, Tak Wee is unanimously the star of the team, the vital link between defence and attack. His massive will to win is evident for all to see - he would rather lose his hair than lose the game. Although he is flawless on the pitch, it is not so off it. Tak Wee is ambroiled in many scandals in his personal life, his infamous XXX video with Annie and videos from the hidden cam installed in his toilet being just the tip of the scandalous iceberg.

LIKOON - AMR
Affectionately known as 'Peanut' by his team-mates, Likoon has put his career at AMK under threat by refusing to sign the contract offered by Carebear Utd, instead signing for the SAF on a 6 year deal. His ability to hold the ball and shoot from distance are his main attributes. Has proved on several occasions that he is able to change the course of the game with a single pass....to the opposing striker.

ER JIE - AMC
Angki Er Jie is his name, and attacking is his game. A veritable goalscorer, he is capable of nifty footwork and splitting passes as well. Rumour has it that he was christened 'Orbit' in his early playing days as a reference to his off-target shots, but he has been quick to deny it. His finishing has since improved by leaps and bounds. If he continues at this rate, he will surely be on his way to be the new Carebear no. 1 Keeper. All the best, Angki!

KAI YI - PLAYMAKER
The brains of the team, Kai Yi is acknowledged as the original creator of 'The Movement', which has enabled Carebear Utd to dominate courts and thrash opponents without even unleashing a single adjustable spanner. Constantly researching on new tactics and plays as well as watching soccer videos for hours on end, Kai Yi has accumulated a wealth of knowledge in that footballing brain of his, threatening to snatch the tag of 'The Professor' from Wenger himself. On the pitch, Kai Yi uses his footballing brain to great effect, creating chances out of seemingly nothing and occassionally scoring some vital goals on his own. His intellect is matched only by Albert, who always succeeds in counter-scheming Kai Yi's counter-scheme on Albert's counter-scheme on Kaiyi's counter-scheme on Albert's scheme.

YEE HUNG - FC
One of the finishers of the team, Yee Hung has not only honed his volleying/shooting skills with Carebear Utd, but also his goalkeeping skills, thanks to the 'Scorer-Keeper' rule implemented by the team. Occasionally grumbles about lack of playing time thanks to him scoring a goal in 5 minutes before keeping the goal for 20 minutes, but is generally happy to stay with the team. His loyalty is being put under question currently with his frequent calls to 'disband', but is being persuaded to 'flail' by Albert and Co.

QUAN NING - FC
Temperamental striker, known to not show up for several matches consecutively. However when he does make an appearance he is bound to dazzle the courts with his ball skills and sublime finishing, not to mention his deadly aerial ability. Able to head a ball harder and more accurately than most mortals can kick it, Quan Ning is a devastating attacking presence to deal with. When he's present, of course.

ROONEY - SC
3 words - Hardcore Anyhow Zham. Scores goals by the dozen but misses chances by the million. Still, many would agree a score of 12-0 isn't too bad. His relentless running and accelerating has seen him clock Kenyan-killing mileage, and with his psychotic look complete with crew cut and tucked in orange shirt, Rooney is definitely the nightmare of his opponents, and even his own teammates!