***CAREBEAR UNITED***

CAREBEAR UNITED

We are a team of titans. True to our motto, we seek and destroy. Be it your defence, your attacks, or even your careers. With a death star angel watching over us, we are unbeatable. Our patented style, 'The Movement (TM)', allows us to put the ball in your net with or without your permission. Sometimes we even put it in ours. The point is, when you step on the pitch, be prepared for innocence lost and wounds that will never heal. By the time we are done dishing out our touching tackles and sentimental shots, you will wish you were in Patpong instead. Don't expect pity, only sincere laughter will greet your screams. And don't bother asking for a death row pardon either, it is already two minutes too late.

So the question you need to ask yourself now is...

DO YOU DARE...TO CARE?

For help with wordplay posts, please click

Welcome to the Homeground of the
CARE BEARS

Do you DARE to CARE?

TEAM TALK

[Sunday, December 24, 2006]

Updated: Dec. 22, 2006, 10:00 PM SG

Albertini scoops FIBUA MVCEP of the Year

Zoorich, Dec 22 (Routers) – Italy’s heart throb Albertini completed an outstanding year of achievement on Friday when he added FIBUA’s MVCEP of the Year to his already burgeoning tally of MVCEP of the Month awards.

Albertini, who masterminded his club to it’s recent standings on the league table, beat off fierce competition from club mates Wookie, Pnuto, Tako Pachi, Kai Yi, Park Jie Song, as well as orange guy from Marshaller FC in a vote by national team coaches and skippers.

‘It’s an unbelievable moment,’ said the 19-year-old at the awards ceremony. ‘It’s unbelievable there was even a contest for this award. The award is mine for the taking. Give it to me.’

Albertini, who turns 20 this month, is the first receiver of this inaugural decoration. Long touted as the successor to the likes of Roy Keane and Rivaldo, this feisty character is no short (no pun intended) of flying kicks and punches, not to mention dirty play and Oscar-winning performances on and off the pitch. His mind games has ended careers even before they began and his personal axiom ‘Go for the legs’ leaves everyone without a doubt that he is the rightful winner of this award.

Although Albertini is the eventual victor of this medal, the prize almost slipped through his fingers. For a worrying period of time, Albertini was under a lot of flak for watching Korean tearjerkers, which mellowed his play dramatically. His war cries become meows, his knee high tackles became knee high tickles and he no longer shed one liter of blood but one liter of tears (some of it his own). This was until the club decided to put a tearjerker ban and fine Albertini two weeks’ wages.

A conspiracy theory in the forums suggest that Albertini won the award only due to the rest of the contenders suddenly developing a craving for nobuta no produce, a film on friendship without betrayal, pangseh and scheming. Thus the contenders were unable to produce anything to qualify them for the award. However, the forums have since been closed down, and the origins of the rumors untraceable.

Albertini paid particular tribute to fellow teammate Wookie and commented on the team’s standings in the league. Care Bear United enter the winter break on a high, after hitting a rich vein of fine form. They possess a healthy lead over rival clubs and their last encounter with league leaders Justice League saw them narrowly escape with three controversial points.

‘Wookie has an exotic taste in fashion. He could be the fashion of tomorrow,’ said the Italian idol. When offered one side of the ear phone to Wookie’s very own Gothic Songs TM collection, Albertini said, ‘I’ll only listen if you give me a black lipstick.’

Other awards presented at this year’s ceremony include:

Goalkeeper of the Year goes to Wookie for his string magnificent performances in the last stretch before the winter break that left contenders Yee Hung Pyo and Understudy trailing by miles. Incidentally, Wookie’s sensational form coincides with the Care Bear’s recent outstanding run and it is difficult to tell which is a result of which. Wookie overcame himself to silence his critics, pulling of save after save to maintain the Care Bear’s low goal concession record, and has as a result earned the trust of his fellow defenders. In addition to the above, Wookie is the most blundering goalkeeper this sport has ever seen. Wookie, you suck and we hope that this would inspire you to greater heights.

Defender of the Year was ultimately Park Jie Song’s for the taking. The solid rock in defense was clinical in both his clearances and his finishing, not to mention the skillfulness of his trademark moves, Ong Bak Knee, X and Happy Header. Park Jie Song was the last thing any offensive side saw. While his incisive passing leaves opponents flabbergasted, his nutmeg rockets off the chart, leaving a gushing Pnuto asking for more. Truly impassable, this force of nature is not something players would want to face on the opposite team. Other nominees include Ahn Jun Cheng from Care Bear United, Moo from Nie Legend, Orange Guy from Marshaller FC and Hong ‘No. 7’ Senseh from Jia Xuan XI (comprising of NJ soccer players and AJ soccer imports).

Midfielder of the Year can only be P ‘Koon Pass’ nuto. Lifting the team up when they needed him the most, Pnuto has displayed excellent maturity in his game. Unselfishly absent when the team is performing, Pnuto has given his time to international duties. Runner-ups include Kai Yi who fell out of the race due to an injury that marred a good season for him, and Ahn Ki, whose recent addition gave the team a new dimension. Although Ahn Ki featured in only a fraction of the Care Bear’s season, his contribution to the team was so immense that he was nominated by a large number of coaches and players.

Striker of the Year was snatched away by Yee Hung Pyo. Facing aggressive opposition in the likes of Kenny of NIE Legends and Care Bear’s Quan van Ning, it is a testimony to Yee Hung Pyo’s determination to remain the most clinical of Care Bear’s striker force. An able striker with an array of skills (including keeping), Yee Hung Pyo’s goals were largely nominated for the Goal of the Year award, which will be presented at a different time. Away on holiday in China, Yee Hung Pyo’s attacking element will be missed by the Care Bears who take on Jia Xuan XI and NIE Legends in a clash of the titans.

Comeback of the Year was won by ball winner David-lele. Returning from a wrist injury, David stepped up to the challenge with dazzling footwork, blocked shots and total football. His tireless runs crossed opposition eyes and broke defenders’ ankles. His finishing was a fresh weapon in his arsenal and he showed great composure in a less familiar central midfield role. For someone missing out most of the action in mid-season, David never looked back and gave the team his all. What a great comeback by a player who might be destined for greatness.

Player of the Year went to Tako Pachi for his inspiring performances that transformed a team of misfits (and mis-kicks without the tricks, the flicks and the kicks) into a side contending for honors. The competition for this award was very stiff with Ahn Jun Cheng trailing only by a single vote. Tako Pachi and Ahn Jun Cheng possessed the skills and the work rate that transcended anything any team has produced. Redefining the standards, both Tako and JC are writing history that would someday be the benchmark of every hall of famers.

Unfair Player of the Year and FIBUA Unfair Play was awarded to Orange Guy and Marshaller FC respectively for their continued play in any situation that the opponent may be in. Quick to stop play when they were disadvantaged, this side showed no remorse in exploiting all disadvantages that the opposite team might have. Teams can learn a thing or two from this unfair side. Congratulations for winning the prestigious awards!

Outstanding Newcomer Award is presented for the first time to the most promising addition to any team. A tie between Ahn Ki and Kenneth sees the award going both ways. Both Ahn Ki and Kenneth have opened up the possibilities in midfield and the competition for first team places may benefit the team. Other teams failed to submit their nominations in time, thus the competition for this award was less than what was expected. Nevertheless, the award goes deservingly to these two players who outshone others in the transfer market. Kudos to Ahn JC for his eye for good deals and Care Bear United for quickly snatching up what would definitely be a bargain.

Team of the Year goes to NIE Legends for their sportsmanship and sporting attitude that has given more value to the beautiful game. Boasting a squad of talented players, the legends never looked down in the face of defeats and never looked down on opponents even when they were leading. Outstanding work rate and team spirit, the NIE Legends have proven themselves to be a viable side. Improving with every game, this side could be the team to watch in the coming season.

*Note: Justice League players are not allowed to compete for the awards.

-=kAi Yi=- |1:08 AM|

[Monday, December 18, 2006]

MATCH REPORT 16/12/06
Venue: AMK Homeground
Timing: 0930hrs
REAL Timing: 1000hrs
Opponents: Red Indian Team
Formation: Varied

Just as club gaffer/resident prophet Albertini had predicted, the Carebears have come through their lean period unscathed (points-wise of course, injuries are still aplenty), and now look to make an even stronger challenge for the title.

For starters, the club welcomed back Wordplay Bear and Studded Bear from Taiwan, while Nature Bear and Gothic Bear also made their appearances after a long absence. Abs Bear also got the nod from television producers after a long debate whether his defined body warranted an R-21 rating for the match, and looked set to put all six of his weapons to good use.

To top it off, this match was also the official launch of the new Carebear(R) ClimaKoon(TM) Oranje soccer ball. Made with the latest sports technology, it is compatible with the Tak Vacuum Hole(TM) Shoes and David Elbow Enhancer(TM). However, even after years of fine-tuning and scientific testing by A*STAR and DSTA, scientists still could not find a way to make it compatible with the Wooki 2-Week Mold (TM) Gloves, with the ball slipping through his outstretched gloves into goal 99% of the time.

Armed with a full squad, new ball, and the latest sporting technology and fashion accessories, the Carebears looked strong favorites to dominate their homeground once again. With confidence at an all-time high, Albertini promised no mercy and declared his opponents will soon be shedding one litre of tears.

His prophecy again came true in less than one Princess Hour. The day's matches saw the emergence of a previously hidden Godlike team within the ranks of the Carebears.

As depicted in the graphic, opponents were finding Jun Cheng too hot to handle, and we are not talking about his body or the fires he fights. Putting in timely tackles, chasing balls, poaching quickfire goals and pressurizing everyone on the pitch, he was simply everywhere on the pitch.

However, that is not to say his team-mates were overshadowed by his awesome performances. On the contrary, each of his team-mates played their role to perfection. Albertini defended wholeheartedly with his legitimate fouls, and chipped in several unstoppable toe-poke goals. Tak as usual made spectacular plays and audacious moves that sliced open the opponent's defence like scissors through sparse hair, and David came up with another sterling display as ball-winner and defensive stalwart.

In all, the above-mentioned team took down every single team that dared to shout 'Next team!' and sent them out of the court with wounds that would never heal. Their dominance was unchallenged, and their winning streak only ended when three of the original four were substituted to allow the rest of the alienated Carebears a chance to play.

Club scribe Yee has since inscribed the heroics of this Godlike team into the history books, for future Carebears and cubs to refer to with reverence and respect.

High points:
- Emergence of Godlike team(!!!)

- Tak takes on the whole defence single-handedly, twisting and turning as the defenders converged upon him. With a cheeky backheel he sends the ball out of their reach, straight into the path of the lurking Jun Cheng, who could not get the ball under control and skied the shot. Who can blame him, for the whole court was stunned for three seconds by that amazing piece of play from Tak.

- Yee-SPN has run out of superlatives to describe Albertini's finishing. Clinical, accurate, and powerful, his toe pokes threatened to puncture a lung or fracture a rib. In a word, exactly as he wanted it. Many a team tasted defeat thanks to the right big toe of Albertini.

- Hard Guy is substituted in goal by his fellow junior Bear after a long dreary match where neither side could create a meaningful chance. As soon as he gets the ball, he bursts forward, sidesteps a defender and blasts the ball in. What an impact from the supersub!

- A long throw from Wooki finds Yee at the deep right. Without letting the ball hit the ground, he flicks it up and as the ball reaches its apex, swivels and connects with a right-footed volley to send the ball behind the keeper. A dream goal.

- Jie Song, so often criticized for his destructive play, answers his critics in the best possible fashion by running onto a pass and sending it expertly past the keeper. Clinical finishing from the burly defender.

- Wooki makes several important saves throughout the match. His flawless performance is summed up by David's comment as he watched from the sidelines: "Shit I let out a praise!"

Low points:
- Wooki again coming 120 seconds after he should have come. Yee-SPN is already running out of ways to say this.

- Kaiyi still out of action from a near-career ending injury.

- All other low points have been overshadowed by the huge discovery of Godlike team.

MVCEP: Godlike Team
Inspired many to consider quitting soccer and taking up safer, pussier sports like bungee jumping and parachute testing. Deflated all morale in their opponents, instilling fear in their hearts, and as mentioned resulted in one litre of tears.

-=H.=- |3:09 PM|

[Sunday, December 10, 2006]

MATCH REPORT 09/12/06
Venue: AMK Homeground
Timing: 0930hrs
REAL Timing: 1100hrs
Opponents: Red Indian Team & Mongolian Team
Formation:

A depleted Carebear United continues to defend their homeground despite sorely missing the tricks and flicks of Tak Wee and the scintillating wordplay of Kai Yi, who are both on training stints at Shui Bian FC. They are slated for a quick return though, after the club collapsed despite extensive sponsorship from SOGO. Once again displaying his flair with words, Kai Yi told Yee-SPN: "As soon as I heard that Shui Bian FC had disbanded, my immediate thought was: Sui Bian lor." What a magnificent play of words!

Back to the match - after commendable effort by Albertini, four players were successfully summoned: Yee, David, and his cousin Kenneth. Whether they were summoned in time was another matter, as the 0930 match started only at 1100hrs. Once again, club keeper Wooki was 2 minutes (and 3 hours) too late, effectively banishing No.2 Yee to the dreaded goal-line.

At the pre-match conference, Albertini praised the resilience of the Carebears. "We are really just about pulling through," he said. "These are lean times for the club, but I'm sure we will enter the winter break on a high." He smiled after that, but soccer pundits are debating worldwide: Was it a part of a smile, or was it a facade of his tearing self?

David continues to play through the pain barrier, sporting a flashy elbow guard/enhancer around his PTI-obliterated wrist. Yee returns from a 2-week absence, desperately eager to restart his scoring form again after critics questioned his loyalty to the game. Albertini's confidence proved to be justified, as the Carebears shook off any lingering doubts in their ability and fitness to take the game to the 2 opposing teams.

High points:

- Yee sprays a long pass to Albertini on the right flank. Albertini flicks the oncoming ball upwards, lets it bounce and then unleashes a stunning volley into the top left. The keeper was simply rooted to the spot, and who can blame him? What an amazing finish from the most unlikely of sources!

- Kenneth receives the ball at the center line, displays some nifty footwork to bamboozle the defenders before slamming the ball to the left of goal from distance, drawing instant comparisons to Mikel Arteta.

- Yee attempts an audacious aerial back-flick on a high ball that goes wide. He is rewarded for his acrobatic efforts by a back strain that he thankfully managed to shake off.

- After a long arduous match with Red Indian & Co., Yee finally ends things. He capitalizes on a rebound, latching onto the ball and with a swift turn, desperately blasts it towards goal which sneaks in past the keeper.

- Albertini is in red hot form with his resolute defending. Refused to cower at the hulky frame of Ronaldo and went into every challenge wanting blood. He lives up to his MVCEP status with a tremendous shot that injures an opponent's hand, earning a free-kick as well! What intelligent play!

- After the injection of much-needed funds from an Arabian-Russian-Icelandic investor, the Carebears waved goodbye to their flailing ball. In its place is a new stupendous orange Barcelona ball, which is sure to end up in everyone's net in time. Including the Carebears, of course.

Low Points:
- The injured opponent swiftly delivers retribution upon the wrong person. Yee is left rolling on the ground after a deadly whack on the right shin that jerked out more tears than any Princess Hours tearjerker Albertini can muster up.

- Yee's confidence between the sticks is in smithereens after conceding several goals, mostly close-range shots that he managed to get a hopeful finger to. He has since vowed never to keep again, as he did last week and the week before that, and the week before that, and....

- The Carebear's poor finishing is exposed, after a series of missed chances that left all of them tearing their hair in frustration. However their hair stayed firmly on despite repeated efforts, showing that there's no point forcing it. If it wants to stay, you can't tear it out, and if it wants to leave, you can't keep it in. Wise words indeed. Anyway, back to the game. The Carebears' finishing sucked.

- Wooki's no-show left the fans stunned, as it was during tough times like these that the players have to stand up and be counted. However it will not matter. Said a Worried Fan, 'No matter what happens, I will still support Wooki with all my heart.' Another Happy Fan cheered, 'Wooki wo ai ni!!!' When told of the fans' unerring support of him, Wooki gushed: 'I love idiot pots...' He was subsequently fined two weeks' wages, with one week's wages deducted for every minute he was too late.

MVCEP: Albertini
Earned a free kick while sending an opponent screaming for the medics. Indirectly led to Yee's bruised shin after providing the opponent with motivation for murder. The board is still out whether he will continue to be the MVCEP for the month of Dec, but he has done his chances no harm with his performance in this match.

-=H.=- |8:31 PM|

Cub Focus – Yee’s Striking Prowess

In this brand new series, we will zoom in on the latest off-field happenings concerning our cubs. Starting the ball rolling will be striker Yee Hung Pyo:

When he is not striking balls and scoring goals, forward Yee Hung Pyo will be striking poses and scoring cover page appearances.

While on internship at SPH, Yee accomplished a double hat-trick of MVCEP shots which were published in Digital Life. Even though a column in soccer tabloid TNP will better showcase Yee’s talent, keeper Wookie commented that Yee’s debut media exposure in a local tech magazine was still a good step forward in spreading our “Seek & Destroy” motto. He reminded all that the virtual soccer gaming world is a huge untapped market, and from now onwards, ~~Company of Heros~~ FIFA 2006 and WINNING 11 gamers will be more prone to spamming the “sliding tackle” button on their controllers.

With a fellow cub working in Singapore’s largest media organization, Care Bear Utd can now look forward to unleashing their patented “The Movement” beyond AMK.

What’s next from our talented Yee? An article on “How to recover from soccer related career-ending injuries” in Mind Your Body?

Below are the candid moments of our poster boy:

-=Anonymous=- |1:45 PM|

Teddies Bared! #1

In this new series, we’re going to bust and debunk rumours/myths/word-of-mouth-from-Albert’s mouth.
Gullible gummies, it’s time to know the truth…

What you heard: Wookie left a piece of 红肉 under his desk. He ate it 2 wks later when optimum flavour was achieved.

What happened: Wookie left a burger under his desk and forgot about it. He discovered a layer of BreadTalk-style mould floss on the burger upon returning from a 2-week long school break. He threw it into the rubbish bin.

-=Anonymous=- |12:12 PM|

[Tuesday, December 05, 2006]

YEE-SPN NEWS
Stint at Soccernet beneficial, claims Yee

Striker-cum-keeper Yee Hung Pyo has been missing from first-team action for a record 2 consecutive weeks, a first for the temporary striker who prides himself on keeping fit for every game. His absence has been attributed to his ever-increasing commitments at the Soccernet tabloids, where he is currently putting his soccer knowledge and superb use of vocabulary (powerful words like 'fresh', 'contrived' etc) to good use.

Despite not having blasted/saved a ball in recent weeks, Yee is adamant that his stint at Soccernet will only make him a better player despite his forced absence. 'I've learnt a lot in my time here,' stated Yee, 'Although my legs itch to blast a ball or have a ball blasted at them, my footballing brain has finally awoken from its 2-year slumber during NS, and I'm currently adapting to life using my brain again.'

Said Yee: 'The most unforgettable experience I have had is being tasked to cover the Premiership matches at the Ang Mo Kio St 13 Stadium. You never forget matches at the AMK Stadium, thanks to the Happy Fans, Worried Fans etc, although at times they seem to all be one single person.'

Club manager/Media correspondent/Professor in Propaganda Albertini showed his glowing approval of Yee's stint in Soccernet. 'Yee's presence in Soccernet is invaluable to him and to us as a club. Through him we will be able to spread the message of the glory of Carebear United to the whole of Singapore, then the world...' He then displayed his sincerity with a hearty jiggly laugh.

Yee has revealed his future plans of including a subliminal message in every article of his. The message will go something like this, as instructed by Albertini:

Father is great, Mother is great,
but Albertini is greatest of all

Other subliminal messages regarding Listenthe Carebears willto also beAlbertini shown, so get a copy of Soccernet today!

-=H.=- |9:01 PM|

[Monday, December 04, 2006]

CareBears News Update

Match Date: 02/12/2006
Match Timing: 0930
Real Timing: 1120
Match Venue: The Junction
Opponents: Some angsty mats whom we thought they thought we took their yellow ball

Lineup

In recent weeks, the Bears have seen their squad depth being exposed with players being out injured and away on intl duty. But their love for the game and the pain has seen the remaining members of the teams fight on each week. This week, it was left to Wooki, David, Jiesong, Albertini and Tak to defend their homeground. This lineup map not be the most star-studded but it was definitely studded with the likes of Tak and Wooki leading the charge.

Animosity was heavy in the air as some tense moments were spent discussing with the opponents who the ball belongs to. Starting an argument with David was definitely not a wise choice, the angsty mats soon found out, as they decided to buy a new ball, for us that is.

The game began. Playing cautiously at first, the Bears were out to access their opponents. Sensing no real danger, the Bears began displaying their trademark movement on the angsty mats. The mats could find no answer to our attack as we poured on wave after wave of tantalizing and sublimal football.

Tak was proving to be a gem in attack by calmly finishing his shots and ending up as the top goalscorer of the day. Besides that, he was also showing his studs in defense (not to be confused with his ear studs) with some aggressive defending.

Albertini once so passionate in his soccer game, began to show his compassionate side yet again but this time to good effect as his elegant passes allowed Tak to control the ball with much more ease. In defense, his gentle nudging of the ball from the opponents softens up the opponents resolve considerably.

David, with his nimble feet and long limps was also irreplaceable in both attack and defense. Though his “run and shoot” is still not proficient yet but it is slowly gaining maturity, adding another piece of arsenal to the Bears fierce armoury. With his forearm guard/enhancer, his liability has also become his greatest weapon, dealing hard blows to opponents’ attack.

Jiesong, a man with many skills at his disposal. X, Happy Header, PNutmeg. You name it, he does it. Unmovable in defense and fearsome in attack, only a self destructing person or Wooki would attempt stopping this machine. Although not scoring many goals in the match, his runs up into the opponent half have split up the defense on many occasions and his ball winning skills in defense was never in doubt.
Wooki, once again, was 2 mins too late, arriving only near noon. Putting on his new striker boots, he was thrown into the thick of the action. Dependable ever, on his defenders, Wooki rarely had the chance to save but did the job effectively when called upon except on one occasion when he got down 2 secs too early and spilled the ball into the path of the oncoming striker. However, the misantrophian striker also so taken aback by this that he blasted his ball all the way to mi macherai marisa.

All in all, it was a great day for the Bears who had the time and space to unleash their movement on the opponents. Lets hope the team can regroup soon with all the members back. Finally, we send our regards to Kaiyi who is recovering from his knee injury and also Likoon who is slogging away in the blistering heat of the Australian Outback.

-=albertini=- |4:30 PM|

THE TEAM

WOOKIE - GK
The Barthez of the team, Wookie is the undisputed No.1 for Carebear Utd. Although not blessed with any of the relevant attributes of quick reflexes or ball handling, he compensates for it with his Korean Idol looks and Gothic bracelet/choker. His unique ability to self-destruct has irked many fans, but his sterling performances when he is on form quickly pacifies them. Many predict his position will be coming under threat in future from an up-and-coming keeper, Understudy, who was scouted from the AMK Academy. However till then, Wookie will continue to deputise between the sticks. Speaking of sticks, please do not injure your arm by piercing it with one.

JIESONG - DC
As Keeper of the Grove, Jie Song commands twin tree trunks which are indispensable for blocking shots, bulldozing past defenders etc. His quick acceleration from his triple jump days coupled with his raw strength makes him feared and respected on the field. His unique ability, the Force of Nature, consistently gets Carebear Utd out of trouble. If you thought Mother Nature was powerful, try taking on the Big Daddy...

DAVID - DC
A born sweeper, David possesses legs that can really sweep. His windscreen wiper technique of flailing his legs side to side creates an air vacuum, forming an impregnable fortress around him and driving opponents crazy trying to beat him. A fan favorite with his kinky accessories like flower hats, he can often be seen emitting wierd noises like 'nai nai' and 'lai lai' that confuse his opponents. When combined with Jie Song, the 2 form an unbeatable defence. His passion for soccer is only matched by his love for Zoids.

JUNCHENG - DC
Many an opposing striker has smelt a goal and gone in for the shot, only to find themselves staring at 6 solid rock hard abs. A rock in defence, Jun Cheng possesses lightning pace and acceleration and gives Carebear Utd additional attacking options with his incisive runs and decisive finishing. A fireman by occupation, but moonlights at night washing clothes with his natural washing board.

ALBERT - DMC
Knees. Shins. Ankles. Ligaments. You name it, he's zhammed it. The veritable defensive stalwart of the team, Albert destroys opponents' attacks as easily as he destroys their careers. Armed with a low CG, tough body frame and a kendo sword, he sends out an unspoken warning to all opposing attackers who value their lives. Although already a monster physically, Albert's mind games and schemes makes him an absolute mental behemoth. Has never been carded in his entire career, instead causing the referee to get sent off on countless occasions. Arms flailing and kendo sword swinging, Albert is simply every opponent's nightmare. The official armskote IC of the team.

KENNETH - MC
A late inclusion into the Carebear ranks, Kenneth has quickly made himself at home. His occasional flashes of brilliance have proved to be match winners, and his solid work rate and positive attitude has seen Carebear fans receive him warmly. A cousin of fellow Carebear David, he aims to emulate his older cousin's successes, though not the wierd calls and flower hats.

TAKWEE - AML
If his shiny earrings don't dazzle you, Tak Wee's amazing ball skills will. As David constantly testifies, Tak Wee is unanimously the star of the team, the vital link between defence and attack. His massive will to win is evident for all to see - he would rather lose his hair than lose the game. Although he is flawless on the pitch, it is not so off it. Tak Wee is ambroiled in many scandals in his personal life, his infamous XXX video with Annie and videos from the hidden cam installed in his toilet being just the tip of the scandalous iceberg.

LIKOON - AMR
Affectionately known as 'Peanut' by his team-mates, Likoon has put his career at AMK under threat by refusing to sign the contract offered by Carebear Utd, instead signing for the SAF on a 6 year deal. His ability to hold the ball and shoot from distance are his main attributes. Has proved on several occasions that he is able to change the course of the game with a single pass....to the opposing striker.

ER JIE - AMC
Angki Er Jie is his name, and attacking is his game. A veritable goalscorer, he is capable of nifty footwork and splitting passes as well. Rumour has it that he was christened 'Orbit' in his early playing days as a reference to his off-target shots, but he has been quick to deny it. His finishing has since improved by leaps and bounds. If he continues at this rate, he will surely be on his way to be the new Carebear no. 1 Keeper. All the best, Angki!

KAI YI - PLAYMAKER
The brains of the team, Kai Yi is acknowledged as the original creator of 'The Movement', which has enabled Carebear Utd to dominate courts and thrash opponents without even unleashing a single adjustable spanner. Constantly researching on new tactics and plays as well as watching soccer videos for hours on end, Kai Yi has accumulated a wealth of knowledge in that footballing brain of his, threatening to snatch the tag of 'The Professor' from Wenger himself. On the pitch, Kai Yi uses his footballing brain to great effect, creating chances out of seemingly nothing and occassionally scoring some vital goals on his own. His intellect is matched only by Albert, who always succeeds in counter-scheming Kai Yi's counter-scheme on Albert's counter-scheme on Kaiyi's counter-scheme on Albert's scheme.

YEE HUNG - FC
One of the finishers of the team, Yee Hung has not only honed his volleying/shooting skills with Carebear Utd, but also his goalkeeping skills, thanks to the 'Scorer-Keeper' rule implemented by the team. Occasionally grumbles about lack of playing time thanks to him scoring a goal in 5 minutes before keeping the goal for 20 minutes, but is generally happy to stay with the team. His loyalty is being put under question currently with his frequent calls to 'disband', but is being persuaded to 'flail' by Albert and Co.

QUAN NING - FC
Temperamental striker, known to not show up for several matches consecutively. However when he does make an appearance he is bound to dazzle the courts with his ball skills and sublime finishing, not to mention his deadly aerial ability. Able to head a ball harder and more accurately than most mortals can kick it, Quan Ning is a devastating attacking presence to deal with. When he's present, of course.

ROONEY - SC
3 words - Hardcore Anyhow Zham. Scores goals by the dozen but misses chances by the million. Still, many would agree a score of 12-0 isn't too bad. His relentless running and accelerating has seen him clock Kenyan-killing mileage, and with his psychotic look complete with crew cut and tucked in orange shirt, Rooney is definitely the nightmare of his opponents, and even his own teammates!