***CAREBEAR UNITED***

CAREBEAR UNITED

We are a team of titans. True to our motto, we seek and destroy. Be it your defence, your attacks, or even your careers. With a death star angel watching over us, we are unbeatable. Our patented style, 'The Movement (TM)', allows us to put the ball in your net with or without your permission. Sometimes we even put it in ours. The point is, when you step on the pitch, be prepared for innocence lost and wounds that will never heal. By the time we are done dishing out our touching tackles and sentimental shots, you will wish you were in Patpong instead. Don't expect pity, only sincere laughter will greet your screams. And don't bother asking for a death row pardon either, it is already two minutes too late.

So the question you need to ask yourself now is...

DO YOU DARE...TO CARE?

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Welcome to the Homeground of the
CARE BEARS

Do you DARE to CARE?

TEAM TALK

[Sunday, September 17, 2006]

MATCH REPORT
Venue: Boon Keng Stadium
Timing: 1100hrs
REAL Timing: 1145hrs
Score: Tak Snrs 9 - 3 Tak's Bears

Training rebel Tax made amends for his previous altercations with his club by once again putting family ties aside to fight for the Carebear cause, proving that blood is thicker than water, but bloodshed is even better.

Speaking about family, today saw the rare appearance of Mdm. Wookie, who turned out to be Yee's junior in HCJC. As the author writes, Albertini is already scheming to take advantage of this past history to cause conflict between Wookie and Yee, ultimately leaving the club with no able goalkeepers.

Right from the start, the Carebears found themselves overwhelmed by the opposition. If one Tak is fearsome, imagine two older Taks with more hair and good hearing. However the Carebears played their hearts out (the inner one, not the one displayed on their tummies) and never gave up their attacking philosophy.

The first half saw the Carebear defence wanting, and if not for the heroics of Wookie, the Carebears could have found themselves out for the count. The mean Taks had no problems ignoring Yee, turning small Tak inside out, running circles round Li Koon and bulldozing past Albert. But when it came to the final shot, they found themselves facing a Wall named Wookie.

Shot after shot flew towards goal. Save after save came from the love-propelled fingertips of Wookie. The mean Taks tore their hair in frustration while small Tak kept what he had left. The rest of the Carebears could only look on in admiration while Mdm. Wookie must have felt her heart bursting, for it is a rare man who handles his balls so well.

However with the defence all at sea there was only so many miracles Wookie could perform. Single save, double save, triple save, but when it came to the fourth shot Wookie finally displayed his mortality and conceded the goals. The mean Taks found themselves 2-0 up with slick finishes. Sadly, despite the individual brilliance of Wookie, it was not so at the other end, where the Li and Yee combo fired blanks from all angles.

However the Carebears were never going to surrender the game to the older Taks. Inspired by their mouldy keeper, they brought the game to the opposition, and got into the game once again with an angled finish from Li Koon. A defence-splitting pass by Albert to Li Koon on the left flank is brilliantly placed into the top right of the net. The Carebears were back in the game!!!...Until they found themselves 3-1 down shortly after with Tak No.2 making the most out of a one-on-one with Wookie, slotting home from close range. Can the Carebears flail out of this one?

They do! Tak's measured lob towards Yee on the left is expertly chested down and volleyed into the bottom right of the net. 3-2!!! Again, utter frustration for the Carebears as the senior Taks convert once again to make it 4-2. Again, Wookie stood up to the task and got his hand to the ball but could not keep out the angled shot from the opposing striker. But our very own small Tak has some schemes up his sleeves...

From a throw-in on the left he picks out Li Koon who heads it superbly past the keeper. The Carebears just would not give up without a fight!!! Faced with mounting exhaustion and tiredness, the Carebears gritted their teeth, stiffened their upper lip, and...called for half-time.

Half-time score: 4-3
Full-time score:9-3

We apologize for this short and undescriptive commentary on the 2nd half, but the commentator is still reeling from the multiple blows that the Carebears suffered. The short rendevous between Mr. and Mrs Wookie during the half-time break turned out to be disastrous, as Wookie's focus was thoroughly disrupted which saw him concede a few soft goals.

Tiredness caught up with the Carebears, who were unable to maintain the high tempo of the game in the second half despite their best efforts. Despite a few short displays of the movement, they were unable to convert their chances and were a letdown on the final ball.

The final nail in the Carebear Coffin (now at a 90% discount, buy 1 get 5 free promotion after the 9-3 drubbing) came when Tak No.2 found himself with acres of space with only Wookie to beat. Albertini, seeing his only friend in danger, threw his exhaustion out of his mind and rushed forward to aid his comrade.

Hence was the build-up to today's MVCEP award-winning moment. As the striker placed his shot past Wookie without any contact with both defender and keeper, the duo clashed with each other with immense force as the keeper rushed out and the defender rushed in. The jury is out on who will win the award, given both had the same intent. The result of the clash shall decide the winner of the award...

And the unanimous winner is of course, Wookie! Albert could only roll on the ground in exaggerated pain as his knee went bust, while Wookie's one was fortified with the power of love and he did not even feel a thing.

Once again, without their star defender and drenched in sweat, the Carebears gritted their teeth, stiffened their upper lip...and called for full-time.

All in all, it was a fruitful day for the Carebears, who had occasional flashes of brilliance and short spurts of the movement. But even so, there is room for improvement for all the players, save for Wookie who won not just the MVP award, the MVCEP award, but also the heart of Mdm. Wookie with his sterling display. Congrats!!

MVCEP: Absolutely Wookie, without a doubt. Love hurts. Just ask Albert.

-=H.=- |4:18 PM|

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THE TEAM

WOOKIE - GK
The Barthez of the team, Wookie is the undisputed No.1 for Carebear Utd. Although not blessed with any of the relevant attributes of quick reflexes or ball handling, he compensates for it with his Korean Idol looks and Gothic bracelet/choker. His unique ability to self-destruct has irked many fans, but his sterling performances when he is on form quickly pacifies them. Many predict his position will be coming under threat in future from an up-and-coming keeper, Understudy, who was scouted from the AMK Academy. However till then, Wookie will continue to deputise between the sticks. Speaking of sticks, please do not injure your arm by piercing it with one.

JIESONG - DC
As Keeper of the Grove, Jie Song commands twin tree trunks which are indispensable for blocking shots, bulldozing past defenders etc. His quick acceleration from his triple jump days coupled with his raw strength makes him feared and respected on the field. His unique ability, the Force of Nature, consistently gets Carebear Utd out of trouble. If you thought Mother Nature was powerful, try taking on the Big Daddy...

DAVID - DC
A born sweeper, David possesses legs that can really sweep. His windscreen wiper technique of flailing his legs side to side creates an air vacuum, forming an impregnable fortress around him and driving opponents crazy trying to beat him. A fan favorite with his kinky accessories like flower hats, he can often be seen emitting wierd noises like 'nai nai' and 'lai lai' that confuse his opponents. When combined with Jie Song, the 2 form an unbeatable defence. His passion for soccer is only matched by his love for Zoids.

JUNCHENG - DC
Many an opposing striker has smelt a goal and gone in for the shot, only to find themselves staring at 6 solid rock hard abs. A rock in defence, Jun Cheng possesses lightning pace and acceleration and gives Carebear Utd additional attacking options with his incisive runs and decisive finishing. A fireman by occupation, but moonlights at night washing clothes with his natural washing board.

ALBERT - DMC
Knees. Shins. Ankles. Ligaments. You name it, he's zhammed it. The veritable defensive stalwart of the team, Albert destroys opponents' attacks as easily as he destroys their careers. Armed with a low CG, tough body frame and a kendo sword, he sends out an unspoken warning to all opposing attackers who value their lives. Although already a monster physically, Albert's mind games and schemes makes him an absolute mental behemoth. Has never been carded in his entire career, instead causing the referee to get sent off on countless occasions. Arms flailing and kendo sword swinging, Albert is simply every opponent's nightmare. The official armskote IC of the team.

KENNETH - MC
A late inclusion into the Carebear ranks, Kenneth has quickly made himself at home. His occasional flashes of brilliance have proved to be match winners, and his solid work rate and positive attitude has seen Carebear fans receive him warmly. A cousin of fellow Carebear David, he aims to emulate his older cousin's successes, though not the wierd calls and flower hats.

TAKWEE - AML
If his shiny earrings don't dazzle you, Tak Wee's amazing ball skills will. As David constantly testifies, Tak Wee is unanimously the star of the team, the vital link between defence and attack. His massive will to win is evident for all to see - he would rather lose his hair than lose the game. Although he is flawless on the pitch, it is not so off it. Tak Wee is ambroiled in many scandals in his personal life, his infamous XXX video with Annie and videos from the hidden cam installed in his toilet being just the tip of the scandalous iceberg.

LIKOON - AMR
Affectionately known as 'Peanut' by his team-mates, Likoon has put his career at AMK under threat by refusing to sign the contract offered by Carebear Utd, instead signing for the SAF on a 6 year deal. His ability to hold the ball and shoot from distance are his main attributes. Has proved on several occasions that he is able to change the course of the game with a single pass....to the opposing striker.

ER JIE - AMC
Angki Er Jie is his name, and attacking is his game. A veritable goalscorer, he is capable of nifty footwork and splitting passes as well. Rumour has it that he was christened 'Orbit' in his early playing days as a reference to his off-target shots, but he has been quick to deny it. His finishing has since improved by leaps and bounds. If he continues at this rate, he will surely be on his way to be the new Carebear no. 1 Keeper. All the best, Angki!

KAI YI - PLAYMAKER
The brains of the team, Kai Yi is acknowledged as the original creator of 'The Movement', which has enabled Carebear Utd to dominate courts and thrash opponents without even unleashing a single adjustable spanner. Constantly researching on new tactics and plays as well as watching soccer videos for hours on end, Kai Yi has accumulated a wealth of knowledge in that footballing brain of his, threatening to snatch the tag of 'The Professor' from Wenger himself. On the pitch, Kai Yi uses his footballing brain to great effect, creating chances out of seemingly nothing and occassionally scoring some vital goals on his own. His intellect is matched only by Albert, who always succeeds in counter-scheming Kai Yi's counter-scheme on Albert's counter-scheme on Kaiyi's counter-scheme on Albert's scheme.

YEE HUNG - FC
One of the finishers of the team, Yee Hung has not only honed his volleying/shooting skills with Carebear Utd, but also his goalkeeping skills, thanks to the 'Scorer-Keeper' rule implemented by the team. Occasionally grumbles about lack of playing time thanks to him scoring a goal in 5 minutes before keeping the goal for 20 minutes, but is generally happy to stay with the team. His loyalty is being put under question currently with his frequent calls to 'disband', but is being persuaded to 'flail' by Albert and Co.

QUAN NING - FC
Temperamental striker, known to not show up for several matches consecutively. However when he does make an appearance he is bound to dazzle the courts with his ball skills and sublime finishing, not to mention his deadly aerial ability. Able to head a ball harder and more accurately than most mortals can kick it, Quan Ning is a devastating attacking presence to deal with. When he's present, of course.

ROONEY - SC
3 words - Hardcore Anyhow Zham. Scores goals by the dozen but misses chances by the million. Still, many would agree a score of 12-0 isn't too bad. His relentless running and accelerating has seen him clock Kenyan-killing mileage, and with his psychotic look complete with crew cut and tucked in orange shirt, Rooney is definitely the nightmare of his opponents, and even his own teammates!