We are a team of titans. True to our motto, we seek and destroy. Be it your defence, your attacks, or even your careers.
With a death star angel watching over us, we are unbeatable. Our patented style, 'The Movement (TM)', allows us to put the ball in your net with
or without your permission. Sometimes we even put it in ours. The point is, when you step on the pitch, be prepared for innocence lost and
wounds that will never heal. By the time we are done dishing out our touching tackles and sentimental shots, you will wish you were in Patpong instead.
Don't expect pity, only sincere laughter will greet your screams. And don't bother asking for a death row pardon either, it is already two minutes too late.
So the question you need to ask yourself now is...
DO YOU DARE...TO CARE?
Do you DARE to CARE?
The surgery took place on 31st August 2006 (Thursday) and was a success. The 20-year-old defender was discharged the following afternoon.
David said: “The operation was a success and a cute nurse helped me change my pants. I’m certain that with the right attitude, I will be back and as good as ever.
“It’s a crucial operation, it’s the wrist ligament as everybody who knows, knows, and everybody knows I need it to play piano.”
The Ang Mo Kio defender's wrist was twisted, obliterated and torn apart during a freak ICCT training. During a demonstration, an instructor grabbed hold of David's wrist and, ignoring the 'lei-lei' cries for help, annihilated the ligaments in a Ben-like horror motion.
The injury has hampered David’s first team appearances and has severely reduced Care Bear United’s defense, causing them to struggle against mediocre teams. It has also seen David’s loan to Trinity in Ireland postponed by a year.
Care Bear United may have to do without their panache defender for the rest of the season, although David is resolute that he will return as soon as possible.
He told the club’s official website: “I have been playing piano and opening chili packets with one hand, and once that’s out of the way, I can get on with the rehabilitation.
“At the start of the rehab, it will just be about getting the wrist moving and trying to keep up my general dexterity, but it will get tougher as I get nearer to a comeback.
“Soon I will be able to play more demanding pieces on the piano and the obvious aim is to return to assembling my zoids once more, although that is still possible with one hand, and sewing pencil cases out of Chinese High pants.”
David’s absence has been compounded by Jun ‘Abs’ Cheng’s call to international duty, Albertini’s own fitness concerns and No. 0’s departure to UK.
Care Bear United will look for other options in Tak Juniors FC and David’s elusive cousin.
No. 0 shock move to undisclosed club for undisclosed fee
No. 0 (real name undisclosed) snubbed Care Bear United for challenges abroad, sources inside Tak Juniors FC revealed.
The former Tak Juniors FC midfielder was highly sought after by several influential clubs with Care Bear United leading the chase to sign the enigmatic player.
Initially spotted in a friendly between Care Bear United and Tak Juniors FC, where she played for Tak Juniors FC, No. 0 impressed with her bold tackles (especially on Care Bear United’s rock in defense, Park Jie Song) and her intuitive through-passes. However, it was her ability to sell shirts and increase attendance that made her an asset to her club.
“We’ve been following the player for a long time,” said Care Bear United chairman, Lim Yuhui, in an interview before the transfer deadline.
“We believed that with her unyielding courage and intuitive defense-splitting passes, not only can she lead the club to greater heights, she could even lead the club to greater attendance.”
The Care Bear United supremo has revealed his disappointment at the collapse of No. 0’s move from Tak Juniors FC.
No. 0 was given permission to speak to Care Bear United – she attended a trial at the club’s home ground in Ang Mo Kio – and a fee and personal terms had been agreed on for the 19-year-old.
However, the industrious midfielder chose to venture abroad in a shock move to an undisclosed club in UK for an undisclosed fee, fueling speculation in the media.
Yuhui said: “I am resentful because everything had been agreed, but there was nothing we could do about the situation.”
Sources claimed that No. 0 was sent threats and hate mail by Care Bear United Armskote IC, Albertini, who was afraid that she would reduce his first team chances if she made the switch. She was also convinced, by Albertini, that she would find greener pastures abroad. No. 0 was unavailable for comment, as she had left for her new club.
But it would mean that Yuhui would have to content with other promising youngsters from Tak Juniors FC who are currently attending trial at Care Bear United.
Another potential signing would be David’s elusive cousin who has yet to agree on a date to attend trial at the club.
WOOKIE - GK
The Barthez of the team, Wookie is the undisputed No.1 for Carebear Utd. Although not blessed with any of the relevant attributes of
quick reflexes or ball handling, he compensates for it with his Korean Idol looks and Gothic bracelet/choker. His unique ability to
self-destruct has irked many fans, but his sterling performances when he is on form quickly pacifies them. Many predict his position
will be coming under threat in future from an up-and-coming keeper, Understudy, who was scouted from the AMK Academy. However till then,
Wookie will continue to deputise between the sticks. Speaking of sticks, please do not injure your arm by piercing it with one.
JIESONG - DC
As Keeper of the Grove, Jie Song commands twin tree trunks which are indispensable for blocking shots, bulldozing past defenders etc.
His quick acceleration from his triple jump days coupled with his raw strength makes him feared and respected on the field. His unique
ability, the Force of Nature, consistently gets Carebear Utd out of trouble. If you thought Mother Nature was powerful, try taking on
the Big Daddy...
DAVID - DC
A born sweeper, David possesses legs that can really sweep. His windscreen wiper technique of flailing his legs side to side creates an
air vacuum, forming an impregnable fortress around him and driving opponents crazy trying to beat him. A fan favorite with his kinky
accessories like flower hats, he can often be seen emitting wierd noises like 'nai nai' and 'lai lai' that confuse his opponents. When
combined with Jie Song, the 2 form an unbeatable defence. His passion for soccer is only matched by his love for Zoids.
JUNCHENG - DC
Many an opposing striker has smelt a goal and gone in for the shot, only to find themselves staring at 6 solid rock hard abs. A rock
in defence, Jun Cheng possesses lightning pace and acceleration and gives Carebear Utd additional attacking options with his incisive
runs and decisive finishing. A fireman by occupation, but moonlights at night washing clothes with his natural washing board.
ALBERT - DMC
Knees. Shins. Ankles. Ligaments. You name it, he's zhammed it. The veritable defensive stalwart of the team, Albert destroys opponents'
attacks as easily as he destroys their careers. Armed with a low CG, tough body frame and a kendo sword, he sends out an unspoken warning
to all opposing attackers who value their lives. Although already a monster physically, Albert's mind games and schemes makes him an
absolute mental behemoth. Has never been carded in his entire career, instead causing the referee to get sent off on countless occasions.
Arms flailing and kendo sword swinging, Albert is simply every opponent's nightmare. The official armskote IC of the team.
KENNETH - MC
A late inclusion into the Carebear ranks, Kenneth has quickly made himself at home. His occasional flashes of brilliance have proved to be
match winners, and his solid work rate and positive attitude has seen Carebear fans receive him warmly. A cousin of fellow Carebear David,
he aims to emulate his older cousin's successes, though not the wierd calls and flower hats.
TAKWEE - AML
If his shiny earrings don't dazzle you, Tak Wee's amazing ball skills will. As David constantly testifies, Tak Wee is unanimously the star
of the team, the vital link between defence and attack. His massive will to win is evident for all to see - he would rather lose his hair
than lose the game. Although he is flawless on the pitch, it is not so off it. Tak Wee is ambroiled in many scandals in his personal
life, his infamous XXX video with Annie and videos from the hidden cam installed in his toilet being just the tip of the scandalous
iceberg.
LIKOON - AMR
Affectionately known as 'Peanut' by his team-mates, Likoon has put his career at AMK under threat by refusing to sign the contract
offered by Carebear Utd, instead signing for the SAF on a 6 year deal. His ability to hold the ball and shoot from distance are his
main attributes. Has proved on several occasions that he is able to change the course of the game with a single pass....to the opposing
striker.
ER JIE - AMC
Angki Er Jie is his name, and attacking is his game. A veritable goalscorer, he is capable of nifty footwork and splitting passes as well.
Rumour has it that he was christened 'Orbit' in his early playing days as a reference to his off-target shots, but he has been quick to
deny it. His finishing has since improved by leaps and bounds. If he continues at this rate, he will surely be on his way to be the new
Carebear no. 1 Keeper. All the best, Angki!
KAI YI - PLAYMAKER
The brains of the team, Kai Yi is acknowledged as the original creator of 'The Movement', which has enabled Carebear Utd to dominate
courts and thrash opponents without even unleashing a single adjustable spanner. Constantly researching on new tactics and plays as well
as watching soccer videos for hours on end, Kai Yi has accumulated a wealth of knowledge in that footballing brain of his, threatening
to snatch the tag of 'The Professor' from Wenger himself. On the pitch, Kai Yi uses his footballing brain to great effect, creating
chances out of seemingly nothing and occassionally scoring some vital goals on his own. His intellect is matched only by Albert, who
always succeeds in counter-scheming Kai Yi's counter-scheme on Albert's counter-scheme on Kaiyi's counter-scheme on Albert's scheme.
YEE HUNG - FC
One of the finishers of the team, Yee Hung has not only honed his volleying/shooting skills with Carebear Utd, but also his goalkeeping
skills, thanks to the 'Scorer-Keeper' rule implemented by the team. Occasionally grumbles about lack of playing time thanks to him
scoring a goal in 5 minutes before keeping the goal for 20 minutes, but is generally happy to stay with the team. His loyalty is being
put under question currently with his frequent calls to 'disband', but is being persuaded to 'flail' by Albert and Co.
QUAN NING - FC
Temperamental striker, known to not show up for several matches consecutively. However when he does make an appearance he is bound to
dazzle the courts with his ball skills and sublime finishing, not to mention his deadly aerial ability. Able to head a ball harder and
more accurately than most mortals can kick it, Quan Ning is a devastating attacking presence to deal with. When he's present, of course.
ROONEY - SC
3 words - Hardcore Anyhow Zham. Scores goals by the dozen but misses chances by the million. Still, many would agree a score of 12-0
isn't too bad. His relentless running and accelerating has seen him clock Kenyan-killing mileage, and with his psychotic look complete
with crew cut and tucked in orange shirt, Rooney is definitely the nightmare of his opponents, and even his own teammates!
