***CAREBEAR UNITED***

CAREBEAR UNITED

We are a team of titans. True to our motto, we seek and destroy. Be it your defence, your attacks, or even your careers. With a death star angel watching over us, we are unbeatable. Our patented style, 'The Movement (TM)', allows us to put the ball in your net with or without your permission. Sometimes we even put it in ours. The point is, when you step on the pitch, be prepared for innocence lost and wounds that will never heal. By the time we are done dishing out our touching tackles and sentimental shots, you will wish you were in Patpong instead. Don't expect pity, only sincere laughter will greet your screams. And don't bother asking for a death row pardon either, it is already two minutes too late.

So the question you need to ask yourself now is...

DO YOU DARE...TO CARE?

For help with wordplay posts, please click

Welcome to the Homeground of the
CARE BEARS

Do you DARE to CARE?

TEAM TALK

[Friday, August 18, 2006]

Albertini set to commit to Care Bear United

Care Bear United (disbanded) are close to agreeing a deal to extend Albertini Di MingHsieno’s contract beyond this Saturday, club chairman Lim Yuhui said.

‘We have spoken to his grandmother, also his agent, and have reached a consensus that we should extend his contract,’ the CBUnited top dog told AMK sports weekly in an interview on Wednesday.

‘Albertini has told me that he is really happy to be part of a club with such an illustrious history and hopes to further embellish the club’s burgeoning prominence in the courts of Ang Mo Kio and beyond. He is elated with things and for Care Bear United, he is fast becoming an indispensable player for his contributions on the pitch and for what he exemplifies. He remains an integral part of CBUnited’s plans for the future.’

Albertini joined CBUnited on a five-year contract from the youth academy of SCOUTS FC in 2002, but has yet to win an OSCAR at the club. Only 19 years old, Albertini is touted by the Italian media to be the next Rivaldo. His presence is strongly felt by opponents and team mates alike. Fans are certain he will commit his future to the club that has groomed him to become the player he is today.

Although Albertini’s discipline record is blemished by his tendency to frequently miss training sessions in the past, team mate and CBUnited skipper, Tako Pachi (known to some ardent fans as Tak Wee or Anni Lover) believes that it would not encumber Albertini’s meteoric rise to become one of the most feared demolition midfielder in footballing history.

‘I’ve known Albertini for so long and have fortunately played alongside him. He won’t let anything stand in his way to become one of the most feared demolition midfielder in footballing history. Not even his own history.’

Albertini turns 20 this December.

Wookie declared fit for Saturday

Care Bear United’s goalmouth guardian passed a medical on Friday and is affirmed fit for the match on Saturday.

Wookie (initimately known to some fans as MouLdY or GoTHiC) has been struggling with multiple injuries to his face, hand, groin and confidence since he joined the club in 2002.

His latest face, hand, groin and confidence injuries have seen him out of action for the past weeks. Sustained in a 100 – 1 trouncing by Justice League FC, Wookie limped out of action and has never really recovered since.

During the match, Wookie’s performance started off exemplary. After saving a barrage of attempts on CBUnited’s goal and also his pride*, Wookie finally took one in the face and the groin by a Green Lantern screamer. Wookie’s excruciating anguish manifested in his expression, but he valiantly stood in goal (partly due to the lack of medical assistance and no substitute keeper). He subsequently stuck a branch into his hand and conceded to the onslaught of Justice League FC.

Wookie’s return would provide many options to Care Bear United (as there is no longer a need for the frustrating rule of ‘scorer, keeper’) whether in goal or as a striker.

‘Wookie has been sorely missed,’ said striker and part-time keeper Rooney.

‘We need him back in goal. His no look passes have proved essential in the past. More importantly, he would allow me to score without the vexation of becoming keeper.’

*in order to salvage any remaining pride, we have decided to overlook the equally numerous own goals and howlers

Hung out to break records with Care Bear United

Park Yee Hung is driven by a fervent aspiration to become part of the most successive side in the history of Care Bear United.

CBUnited are looking to stake their claim on the courts of Ang Mo Kio and has proven to be a force to reckon with, setting courts alit with their scintillating movement and assiduous runs, inspired by their will and a machine known as ‘Rooney’ (or Nightmare or Monster or Rage or The Kimchi Striker)*. Many have dismissed them as mere weekend warriors but Hung deems otherwise.

‘We have a great side. We have proven that we are as good as any side on the courts. Rooney is a weapon and Albertini and Pnutini both have weapons.

‘If you look at any other side, they may have players with a lot of skill or a lot of will. But that’s another incentive to end their careers, chill. Yo yo,’ rapped the Korean international.

Rather than view the abundance of forwards and strikers on the team (Rooney, Quan Ning etc.) as competition for starting places, Hung claims the candidacy spurs him on.

The former table tennis player gets to the training ground wanting to prove that he is every bit as good as his Korean teammate and Holland striker Quan van Ning.

Hung said: ‘I just want to prove myself every game. Rooney and Quan are among the best around and you want to make sure that you are every bit as good as them.’

‘I have always watched and learned, players learn from each other. I learn, you learn, everybody learns.’

Things have not been smooth for Hung at Ang Mo Kio Street 31, especially when he was establishing himself as a formidable forward among the likes of Rooney and Quan. He was often played out of his favourite position and at times, called upon to aid the ailing defense. But Hung remains upbeat.

‘I believe the club will realize my potential as a striker. There’s two things I love in this world: scoring goals and katsudon. I don’t know which I love more.’

Park Yee Hung has been named on the starting line up for Saturday’s match.

*list not exhaustive

- submitted by Kaiyi

-=H.=- |8:36 PM|

Comments: Post a Comment

THE TEAM

WOOKIE - GK
The Barthez of the team, Wookie is the undisputed No.1 for Carebear Utd. Although not blessed with any of the relevant attributes of quick reflexes or ball handling, he compensates for it with his Korean Idol looks and Gothic bracelet/choker. His unique ability to self-destruct has irked many fans, but his sterling performances when he is on form quickly pacifies them. Many predict his position will be coming under threat in future from an up-and-coming keeper, Understudy, who was scouted from the AMK Academy. However till then, Wookie will continue to deputise between the sticks. Speaking of sticks, please do not injure your arm by piercing it with one.

JIESONG - DC
As Keeper of the Grove, Jie Song commands twin tree trunks which are indispensable for blocking shots, bulldozing past defenders etc. His quick acceleration from his triple jump days coupled with his raw strength makes him feared and respected on the field. His unique ability, the Force of Nature, consistently gets Carebear Utd out of trouble. If you thought Mother Nature was powerful, try taking on the Big Daddy...

DAVID - DC
A born sweeper, David possesses legs that can really sweep. His windscreen wiper technique of flailing his legs side to side creates an air vacuum, forming an impregnable fortress around him and driving opponents crazy trying to beat him. A fan favorite with his kinky accessories like flower hats, he can often be seen emitting wierd noises like 'nai nai' and 'lai lai' that confuse his opponents. When combined with Jie Song, the 2 form an unbeatable defence. His passion for soccer is only matched by his love for Zoids.

JUNCHENG - DC
Many an opposing striker has smelt a goal and gone in for the shot, only to find themselves staring at 6 solid rock hard abs. A rock in defence, Jun Cheng possesses lightning pace and acceleration and gives Carebear Utd additional attacking options with his incisive runs and decisive finishing. A fireman by occupation, but moonlights at night washing clothes with his natural washing board.

ALBERT - DMC
Knees. Shins. Ankles. Ligaments. You name it, he's zhammed it. The veritable defensive stalwart of the team, Albert destroys opponents' attacks as easily as he destroys their careers. Armed with a low CG, tough body frame and a kendo sword, he sends out an unspoken warning to all opposing attackers who value their lives. Although already a monster physically, Albert's mind games and schemes makes him an absolute mental behemoth. Has never been carded in his entire career, instead causing the referee to get sent off on countless occasions. Arms flailing and kendo sword swinging, Albert is simply every opponent's nightmare. The official armskote IC of the team.

KENNETH - MC
A late inclusion into the Carebear ranks, Kenneth has quickly made himself at home. His occasional flashes of brilliance have proved to be match winners, and his solid work rate and positive attitude has seen Carebear fans receive him warmly. A cousin of fellow Carebear David, he aims to emulate his older cousin's successes, though not the wierd calls and flower hats.

TAKWEE - AML
If his shiny earrings don't dazzle you, Tak Wee's amazing ball skills will. As David constantly testifies, Tak Wee is unanimously the star of the team, the vital link between defence and attack. His massive will to win is evident for all to see - he would rather lose his hair than lose the game. Although he is flawless on the pitch, it is not so off it. Tak Wee is ambroiled in many scandals in his personal life, his infamous XXX video with Annie and videos from the hidden cam installed in his toilet being just the tip of the scandalous iceberg.

LIKOON - AMR
Affectionately known as 'Peanut' by his team-mates, Likoon has put his career at AMK under threat by refusing to sign the contract offered by Carebear Utd, instead signing for the SAF on a 6 year deal. His ability to hold the ball and shoot from distance are his main attributes. Has proved on several occasions that he is able to change the course of the game with a single pass....to the opposing striker.

ER JIE - AMC
Angki Er Jie is his name, and attacking is his game. A veritable goalscorer, he is capable of nifty footwork and splitting passes as well. Rumour has it that he was christened 'Orbit' in his early playing days as a reference to his off-target shots, but he has been quick to deny it. His finishing has since improved by leaps and bounds. If he continues at this rate, he will surely be on his way to be the new Carebear no. 1 Keeper. All the best, Angki!

KAI YI - PLAYMAKER
The brains of the team, Kai Yi is acknowledged as the original creator of 'The Movement', which has enabled Carebear Utd to dominate courts and thrash opponents without even unleashing a single adjustable spanner. Constantly researching on new tactics and plays as well as watching soccer videos for hours on end, Kai Yi has accumulated a wealth of knowledge in that footballing brain of his, threatening to snatch the tag of 'The Professor' from Wenger himself. On the pitch, Kai Yi uses his footballing brain to great effect, creating chances out of seemingly nothing and occassionally scoring some vital goals on his own. His intellect is matched only by Albert, who always succeeds in counter-scheming Kai Yi's counter-scheme on Albert's counter-scheme on Kaiyi's counter-scheme on Albert's scheme.

YEE HUNG - FC
One of the finishers of the team, Yee Hung has not only honed his volleying/shooting skills with Carebear Utd, but also his goalkeeping skills, thanks to the 'Scorer-Keeper' rule implemented by the team. Occasionally grumbles about lack of playing time thanks to him scoring a goal in 5 minutes before keeping the goal for 20 minutes, but is generally happy to stay with the team. His loyalty is being put under question currently with his frequent calls to 'disband', but is being persuaded to 'flail' by Albert and Co.

QUAN NING - FC
Temperamental striker, known to not show up for several matches consecutively. However when he does make an appearance he is bound to dazzle the courts with his ball skills and sublime finishing, not to mention his deadly aerial ability. Able to head a ball harder and more accurately than most mortals can kick it, Quan Ning is a devastating attacking presence to deal with. When he's present, of course.

ROONEY - SC
3 words - Hardcore Anyhow Zham. Scores goals by the dozen but misses chances by the million. Still, many would agree a score of 12-0 isn't too bad. His relentless running and accelerating has seen him clock Kenyan-killing mileage, and with his psychotic look complete with crew cut and tucked in orange shirt, Rooney is definitely the nightmare of his opponents, and even his own teammates!